IMHO, I would not ask him about the OW. You don't want to dirty your happy date with him. Make the date hyper-fun and a rich experience. You know what buttons to press to turn him on, so do that.
The R can wait afterwards.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I agree with Bond. A date is not the night to discuss these things.
Plus, you need to take time and really be mindful of what you want. H and I hung out for a few weeks before we had the "can I move back in" talk. No rush.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
was supposed to met at 6. he got tied up at work. I left one place to go meet him at another that was closer to his work. I left there and came home. we were texting. He apologized. He want to come pick me up now to go out. . Its 1hr10 past our original date time. I should be doing my HW. could be hanging out with s16 who's home. He'll be here in a few. I would like to believe that my H is not a liar. and work was pressing.On the other I know his bosses though and wonder why he can't say, Can we finish this up tomorrow? I'll meet him out front. I say lets try again another time. I've got HW to do. He can call tomorrow. D16 went to sleepaway camp today for 4 nights. Its a great special camp she does every year. The only time she"s away.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Here's what is so confusing. He say ILY, He is talking about joining us at the beach in July. He is talking about when some friends of his come in town and our going out, He's talking about future plans... We laugh, we joke, he sends very flirty texts...So whats the prob? I still see the sadness in his eyes. He is not IMO, trying to WIN me back. He justs expects to be back...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Well, we did have our date. It was fun. We laughed. He came over after and watched bball with boys. Had lunch again today. Can't help but the doubt is creeping in a bit. We've been here before where I think everything is going along smoothly. I haven't asked anything about OW and not too much R talk. I would like to ask him what is different this time around. Only 2 weeks ago, he said he had seen an attorney. I want confirmation that he is not just "going thru the motions" He has not yet put back on his ring.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Ok, I'm going to try this. It seems that we all post to you, and you just come on, don't acknowledge that we have said anything and post new questions...that you may never respond too.
It's not doubt that should creep in, but reality and losing expectations. Yes, only 2 weeks ago he said he wanted a D. He is all over the place, so this is what it talks about when we should belive none of what they say and only half of what they do. He hasn't said anything about moving back in. You haven't had a conversation about it. Take it for what it is, he is being kind and showing attention and affection. Doesn it mean it's over with OW? Nope. Does it mean he wants to stay together? Nope. Does it mean he wants to move in? Don't know.
So, knowing those things, are you ok with doing these things with no ezpectations?
[I want confirmation that he is not just "going thru the motions"]
I would not ask, IMO. If you can not continue to act this way, ie, dates, flirty texts, then you should stop. But if you are ok with it with no expected outcome, then continue. Only you can answer that.
"He has not yet put back on his ring." Again, only 2 weeks ago he wanted a D. I have seen time and time again that quick turn arounds don't end well. Take your time. Still continue to DB, do your own thing, don't text him alot, etc.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Thank you Tallula for your responses. I do read and took the advice to just have a pleasant date, no R talk , no OW talk. We did. Feel like we are trying to begin again in as far as the flirting, texting. This is all good for me. I am staying busy with my class.(have class everyday, projects, homework..) H knows this. This is where my focus has to be for now. I am still doing my GAL's yoga, out with friends last night. Sometimes I come here to vent, just to work these things out of my head. To say them here instead of saying them to H. I read other's posts. I know we all came here without wanting to be. I am so thankful for the good and wise advice. Is it always easy to follow...nope. Do I still have expectations...trying not to. Am I detached, reality, no. I do stay busy, but still find myself thinking about the sit way too much! So, its time to get to school. What I know... its a beautiful here. Its Friday. I'll get to go to yoga ,may swim this weekend. Tallula, May I ask, when is your baby due? Thank you again for following. Best to all of us!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Great!! Of course vent here!! The expecations thing is hard, but it has been such a huge thing for me in my life today. Not simply with my marriage but for me and my whole life. I'm 33 weeks today and nesting has hit a big high...hehehe.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
with my last child(who is now 15!)a 4yr old and 18month old. A crazy, beautiful, exhausting fun time. You know what they say... God makes them so sweet so you can remember when they are older!Things have been going pretty good here. I asked the boys what they thought about dad being around more. They said weird, not sure...They both are skeptical. They have a good relationship and I am so thankful for that. My D loves having dad around.We have been in this exact position before. H wants back in the family. Goes to work out of town, doesn't come back home....boys back. gotta click off
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I hear, and feel, your anger and sense of betrayal. The overwhelming sense of "its not fair!". And you are so very right. This is all hurtful and very unfair. But that is just where we all are right now and one of the best ways to deal with this new unfair and hurtful reality is to accept it. Not agree with it, or like it, or give in to it, but accept that the rules of the game have been changed. Then decide if you still want to keep playing.
This is great stuff!!^^^^
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
and one of the best ways to deal with this new unfair and hurtful reality is to accept it. Not agree with it, or like it, or give in to it, but accept that the rules of the game have been changed. Then decide if you still want to keep playing.