first time(&last) & still need help

[albamarie]

My H said I am the only on who makes him see the things about himself he doesn't want to face.

EA and H discussed that they were not going to be friends anymore, this after I told H to go with her and make his life. When he told her what I said, she said no way, not that he wanted that either he said, but he presented it to her as to say this is what my W thinks about our R is about, she wants us to seal the deal.

Personally, I think she likes it just the way it is! He has no say over her, there is no commitment to follow, and it’s easy, he’s basically my problem, while at her beckon call, and she owes him nothing!

Funny thing is this doesn’t change anything!

I don’t feel special or chosen or even as if we are on a path of healing. I was willing to letting him go be free to give someone else the BS. Let him visit me…walk away to see our home life from the other side.

I did go as far as, during that talk about leaving, to say what about a D. He was furious, saying there I go bringing up societies BS rules on how our M should be. How do you D, a piece of paper would change nothing, we are family, EA is not family, I don’t work my a$$ off for her!!!

Not only does this not change anything, I don’t put any stock into it either. He’s nothing more that a junkie to me. (w/o the actual drugs)

I don’t see how I really have any boundaries in place! I’m just walking that thin line