Just out of curiosity, why do you think "holding back" meant not moving fast enough?
Where else might you be holding back? Are you afraid to be vulnerable with her?
Being considerate of the kids and accepting things could still not work out, does not have to equal holding back. Going slow does not have to mean holding back.
So, where ELSE might YOU be holding back, other than going slowly?
You indicate that when your W and you are just "living life", she's "an all star". That's great. What about you? How often do you have doubts? Are you "all in" when you are not thinking about your fears?
And you post about how things slow down when you think the two of you aren't making headways. So... you have certain expectations? How does "making headways" look like, for you? Are you and your W both on the same page as far as what that looks like, for BOTH of you?
Also, understand that she is not so powerful as to be the only one who could mess things up. You are certainly capable of messing things up, as well.
How can you re-enforce in her that her efforts are both appreciated and valuable to your future together?
