Bluedown....I am in a similar sitch. My W states the entire past 10 years has been nothing good. I too have the emails, letters, cards, pictures, ect of the love she poured out to me. Since BD she has erased it all. She even took down from her Facebook page "I have a wonderful 16 yr old son, and hero for a husband"...to simply "I have a wonderful 16 yr old son". Heartbreaking for sure.
But I have come to the realization that these scripts are self preservation mechanisms for the WAS. For whatever the reason they finally have chosen to leave, they build these massive walls to protect themselves. They can not let themselves feel any positive emotions for you, otherwise it may derail their initial intentions...or even stop them from moving forward with what they feel is the right thing at the time.
If I am wrong, please one of the former WAS's on here correct me.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
But I have come to the realization that these scripts are self preservation mechanisms for the WAS. For whatever the reason they finally have chosen to leave, they build these massive walls to protect themselves. They can not let themselves feel any positive emotions for you, otherwise it may derail their initial intentions...or even stop them from moving forward with what they feel is the right thing at the time.
If I am wrong, please one of the former WAS's on here correct me.
Weeellllll, as a former WAW, I don't know if I can correct you but I can tell you I never felt that I was on a path I couldn't/didn't want to be derailed from. I only know that I felt I had done everything possible to try and get our relationship back on track prior to "walking away"/having an A
Please understand, a WAW feels they have done everything they can to get the R back on track and that the other person doesn't want to fix the R. To put it in these words, it sounds like the WAW is completely unreasonable and is acting this way for no reason. YOU are the reason they are a WAS (sorry, it's true).
I guarantee you the WAS tried to get your attention prior to you being here. That is no longer the issue. The issue now is, what can YOU do to fix it?
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Today I looked at the camera and found pics of my W hanging out with a couple of other guys. Don't know if there is an EA or PA but she did password protect her phone. These can't be good signs. Please chime in on how I should proceed. After reading the books and posts, I'm assuming I shouldn't confront or even bring it up.
Bluedown, I can fully identify with your uneasiness. I'm fairly new to this but in my situation it would defininitely turn my H heart further away. IMO it would be better at this time to focus on the changes you can make for yourself. I just began a thread & you're welcome to become acquainted w/ my sitch..Its tough; getting tougher. ((((hugs)))
H;30 M;31 M9yr D9 D7 D3 H EA 2009 EA 11 Me PA 2012 H-ILYBNIL 5/13 in EA maybe PA
Limbo..... Thanks for checking. It's over for me. Stbxw demanded a divorce in no uncertain terms. I'm almost relieved that this nonsense is over. How are you doing?
It isn't necessarily over unless you really want "this nonsense to be over". If you don't, hang in there, GAL, and work on what you need to work on while your WAW comes to her senses.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Lovethehub... She is so filled with anger, hate, and contempt for me. It's so hard to love someone and be rejected over and over again. She's going out of her way to hurt me. I really need to make a decision.
Hey Bluedown, I can relate to your situation bigtime. I enjoyed the family life, home, kids and all the joy that came with it. All that is now changed and do your best to brush yourself off and continue to move forward. Become a better you! Focus on being the best father you can be for your children. They need you more than you need your wife.
This all takes time, It will be the most challenging time in your life but as many others said it will get better.
My wife has been distant, mean and showing no emotions. This is how they help justify leaving. She is a shell of the person I fell in love with.
Let her comments and attitude bounce off you and keep a positive attitude, Law of attraction will come to play and it will all work out in the end with or without her!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
