Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[Tallula]

Wow, a year! Sheesh.

You sound great!!

[littleGTO]

Thanks newman, needgrace and T,

Found out I have been transferred to a new position today at work. I am looking at the transfer as a possible "blessing in disguise." Not what I initially wanted, but think it may be a very good change for me.

H and I talked at S14's ball game today. Was nice to talk about the game, the boys, what's going on at work...something other than the kids' schedule. He did ask me about my job transfer.

We have both been so busy our paths really haven't crossed more than briefly.

I have to say that when I look at him I see a different man. I feel empathy for him. I feel like he is a stranger- not my H. Lost, confused, yet somehow still on this path determined to have this life w OW, even through all the complications, only to find out one day it is not a life of happiness and fulfillment, but a life of disillusionment and complexities.

[JuneReN]

Turtle, don't beat yourself about the texting. Often the H really needs to see you are moving on before anything occurs with him. I am not saying he will come running back or the opposite, just that it seems to always be a wake up call that the LBS has his or her own life too. Surprise!

Besides, I know we get validation from ourselves and sense of self worth, but it certainly does not hurt that we feel good when someone else sees us as worthy (especially after the WAS did not )

[tori2012]

GTO, the job transfer might bring positive changes into your life. At the very least, it'll help you focus on the present moment.

I hear you when you say you feel your H is more like a stranger. I used to think Joe would "wake up" and be his better self, but then I realized the real Joe is present-time Joe, not the Joe I married or the Joe of 10 years ago. The same applies to you. This stronger you is the real you!

[littleGTO]

Thank you, ruby & Tori,

Had a pretty good day. With this new transfer at work I get to work with an old friend. She & I went out for an ice cream after work to talk & come to find out she just finalized her D a month ago.

I found out our sitch's are very similar. Wonder if God brought us together for support to one another? Actually, I'm sure He did!

Then, I went to see my C. She warned me to "be careful" about texting this younger D'ed dad. I agreed that I don't want to send mixed signals, but so far I feel it is completely innocent and our texts are "light."

C was interested in WHY I chose not to tell my H where I was going on my solo trip (when he takes the boys on a week-long vaca). Told her I just didn't feel he needed to know. This trip is for ME and about ME (although I'm quite sure he is wondering if I am going somewhere fun & to meet guys...like a cruise or a wild trip to some singles all-inclusive).

1 week away. I am actually looking forward to my trip to the mountains where I will meet up w my SIL.

[littleGTO]

Okay, so last night cute D'ed dad that I have been texting a little texted me at 12:30am. Texts were light as usual until he said, "Too bad you can't hang out! I'm all by my lonesome."

I have to say in that moment I WANTED to go over to his house to hang out (nothing but to sit and have a conversation face to face). Actually, I have been thinking about the whole thing.

I don't want to date him, I don't want to have an EA or PA with him. I just want to have a friend to talk to, esp at night.

Is this so wrong? Will this cloud my view about my M or will it help to move me forward in life (as I feel more and more ready to do)?

I was nervous to bring this up here, but I figured you all will be honest with me.

I do know some people on here decide to date casually while standing, but that is not what I'm looking to do at all.

[newman7977]

Gto,

IMO, i think it's ok to "hang out", but I don't think it's a good idea to hang out at 12:30am it might send a wrong signal but that's just me.

But let me tell you my POV in dating while separated, I think it's ok if there's no separation agreement. Dating to me doesn't mean it's serious R, you know just going out, having fun...I think if it's mutual understanding with the other person to just hang out I think it's fine.

Newman

[tori2012]

GTO, I agree w Newman. Hanging out at that time definitely sends the wrong signal. I think this guy is attracted to you. Otherwise he wouldn't be texting you. You can be open with him that you only want company/friendship, and then he can decide. I would have that conversation before spending time w him late at night.

I disagree w Newman's POV about dating. To me, dating is not just having fun. If you're dating, you're attracted to the person and are seeing him or her casually, but w romantic intentions. Sex or some form of physical intimacy is usually part of dating, especially after some time has gone by. I disagree w dating while separated bc it impairs your individual growth and does not let you objectively evaluate whether you want to stay in your M or not. That's my opinion...

[labug]

Booty call!

[bustingout]

GTO, IMHO, I agree with Tori about dating while separated. I think it can make us lose objectivity while we are healing and can actually do more harm if we have not yet decided what the state is of our current Rs/Ms are.

In the meantime congratulations on your transfer. It seems meeting up with your old friend really was a blessing in disguise.