Going In Circles

[shouldistillhope]

I ended up going back to home last night for S7 baseball game. Wife wanted me to stop over to discuss what realtor told her about some things we needed to finish up to sell our house. There was quite a list of things that needed to be finished which i was aware of.

W started in on me asking me when i can get all these things finished. She wants the house on the market by July 1. My life right now has pretty much revolved around work and then finishing up the rest of the house. It doesn't leave much time for my kids.

I asked her for her help. There were some items that she could be doing to help and for the last 3 weeks she has promised to get them finished, yet every time i go back none of it is done. She then tried to start an argument with me about how i said that she is not pulling her weight (i never said anything close to this) and i just stood there and listened and didn't interrupt her once. When she got done shouting at me i looked her in the eyes and said "i am not going to discuss this with you anymore until we can have a calm conversation. I do not wish to discuss this anymore until we can be civil.

After things calmed down, S7 said "now i can see that you two aren't getting along" I felt horrible that he was listening. W then left to bring S7 to his game while I stayed and played with S4 until the game actually started and then we went to game also.

Up until that point, and after the game, W and i were getting along really well but the time before game was a bit toxic. After the game W said "I need you to stop over at the house, the settlement papers are there and you should look them over and see if you agree with everything."

I stopped over after the game and she gave me a copy of the paperwork. I then looked at my boys and said "Dad is really sorry that you had to hear the disagreement between your mom and I and it shouldn't have happened. I also told W that I was sorry if she thought i insinuated that she wasn't pulling her weight. She said absolutely nothing back.

I walked out to the driveway and S4 decided to go out and help W water the plants. I hugged kids and told them how much i loved them and before i got in my truck i told W that i preferred that we try our best not to get into arguments any longer, that i would like it if we can at least be civil to each other. Again, she did not say a word.

I am finding out more and more everyday that my marriage will not be saved at this point. She has mentioned a handful of times that there is a possibility of us dating again in the future if she sees true changes in me, but that is something that is hard to swallow because it seems like she doesn't think she needs to change at all.

I mentioned to her that i hope someday she could sit down and look back and realize that she also caused part of this. Her response was "I already have" and "you even said that you caused most of this"

That is the only hope i have right now, that she realizes that it's not just me that caused all these problems and until she comes to that conclusion, i don't ever see a future together.

I want to thank everyone for their help and advice up to this point, but i guess it now comes down to waiting until July 12 to roll around and keep on becoming the best dad/man i can become.