I have been quiet for the last month, focusing on my life outside of a couple, spending great time with my kids and our new deerhound puppy that I picked up a fortnight ago. He is a real treasure and great focus for me outside of my work and my cycling.
The WAS got very upset on the financial separation, to the extent she made some strong accusations in relation to some of my actions on our pension vehicle. I have remained firm, detached for the most part, being human there are times where I have been drawn into an emotionally driven conversation and have had to step back out again. I havel learnt from this and I now see that some of this is initiated as it fits into the WAS perception of control. By initiating a discussion that has emotion it draws me back into old habits and communication styles.
Most communication now is logistical about children and clothes, uniforms etc.
WAS has, I have said before seeing a spritual therapist and healer, ironically introduced to her by my mum. Today I received this email
"I spoke to C yesterday. She said we need to be kind to each other, not just civil, forgive each other and have compassion for one another. Without this we will not heal. She also said we should only say positive things about each other to the children and we need to try and be friends for their sake. She did some healing for you too.
We need to get things sorted so we can focus on the future and move forward in a way that we want to continue. Once we can stop having discussions around the agreements I think we will be in a better place to deal with each other in a more positive way.
S(7) told me the other night that you said you were having to waste your money on new beds for him because of me. I'm not putting this out there as a criticism, more that I think you should be aware that he is picking up on comments, even if they are not intended in a negative way. I too have probably said things that he can misconstrue so in future I will be more careful too."
The S comment show how children pick up on things as I had said to him we would need to choose a new bed rather than said it was a criticism.
I was strcuk by the urge to reply but have resisted. To me I think this sounds acadamic and intellectual, rather than something she believes, and it is good she is thinking about thse thing however it is about her and I need to focus on me, GAL and the Children. I would really appreciate some thought and observations on whether remaining silent or give some affirmation whilst remaining detached. I do not think it is possible to be friends, I can be friendly and of course will do everything to save the children whilst being detached.,
Me 44 WAS 41 T 11 S 8 D 5 DB November 2012 EA and PA discovered December 2012 WAS moved out 4 May 2013 Share residence of S and D 50/50 WAS moves in with OM 1 September 2013.