Left Behind Husband on the Left Coast II

[MrBond]

"MrBond, I apologize for my outbursts. I'm just really stressed out and it seemed like you were coming down on me."

Go back and you'll see that it didn't start that way.

"It felt like you were saying it was all my fault and that I deserve this."

Never said that.

"I really do own my bad behavior in marriage, and I understand that it was a factor in her seeking a divorce."

You may say that you "own" your bad behavior, but the issue was about consequences. You are living with the consequences of what happened in the past and it doesn't mean that because YOU decided to change now that your W "needs" to suddenly believe in M again.

"My therapist thinks I am too hard on myself and taking too much blame, so I am trying to balance his advice and the advice of people like yourself."

Taking blame is one thing but it doesn't do anything but eat you alive.

"I have a hard time understanding her thought process in this and I am beyond frustrated that she doesn't want to communicate."

That is her choice. Just keep living your life.

"When she initially left she talked about wanting to be friends, and the whole standard WAW speech. Early on, she even suggested she move back in with me at the townhouse "just as friends until we can get our finances in order."

Now, I'm the most awful person in the world and she wants nothing to do with me. I've seen her do it before with her gal friends, but I don't understand why she does it.

It's not your job to try and understand it. That was her decision and doesn't have anything to do with you. In fact, if you look at all of the sitches around here, their spouses all react the same as your WAS. Nice one day and horrible the next. Eventually you'll learn that you can't analyze crazy.

"My last conversation with my FiL back in February, he basically told me it's hopeless and that I should move on. I know he is doing mindreading of his own, but it still sticks with me."

Why? To a degree he's right. You do need to move on and start concentrating on yourself rather than your W.

"We're now trying to negotiate the settlement, and she has pretty unrealistic expectations."

Leave it up to the L's.

"I know she thinks I'm trying to be punitive,"

You're mindreading on this. You don't know what she thinks.

"but I'm just trying to be fair and keep what is mine."

Again, leave it to the L's.

"It is hard to remain hopeful and I don't know what I can do except continue to GAL and focus on myself."

Exactly.