GM while I understand your frustration that your h doesn't want counselling for himself, the boys and him could benefit from counselling.
A good counsellor helps give a voice to what is going on for your children, if that makes sense? He or she will not be fooled by bs. The main thing is that your boys may very well benefit and your xh may not find it the easy option either.
Frankly I would welcome any additional sane voice in all of this.
