First I'd like to apologize for not visiting the other threads. When I'm in this funk I have a very difficult time listening to other's stories. I would rather have a clear mind when I read and write to other's posts.
Journaling God I've had a challenging week. I kept hearing "focus on yourself" from others and I finally got it! I realized a few things about myself. *I have the habit of comparing myself to others, criticizing myself and worrying about the future. This is a survival habit that I have acquired in order to get myself ahead. *I don't want to let go of this habit because I don't know of another way to motivate myself in a healthy way.
H n I continue to go through the hardships of reconciling. I NEVER thought it would be this challenging. We've taken a break from talking. Tonite's the first night that I don't have a headache. Great example of focusing on myself ;-)
H gave me access to his email and phone. He also wrote the letter to OW. It didn't make me feel any better. In fact, I felt worse. It brought back all those old insecure feelings. I started obsessing about it and found myself searching his stuff at midnight. What followed was me spinning out of control. I became that psycho chick I thought I had laid to rest but there I was bringing up the past and obsessing.
I realized I am scared $HITLE$$ of getting hurt again.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
