Thank you thumpered I really needed this; I actually spent most of today outside in my back yard in the nice warm and breezy weather. It was so peaceful not thinking about anything at all; I still have a week left on my vacation do I think as long as The weather stays this way I may just sit outside and to just enjoy the peacefulness out doors.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
This is just for me to get this out if my head. When is this nightmare going to end I don't now bow much longer I can be patient until H decided what he wants to do. I don't understand why I have to wait till Friday to see if I still have marriage or not. And why can't he just stop texting back and forth Wit?h OW. I'm so afraid if we do have our talk about our R on Friday it won't be good. H is telling me one thing but I don't know what he is tell OW I'm trying super hard not to ask but its killing me not knowing where I stand in his life. I so wish he would just talk to me already. Yes I'm having a suoer hard time detaching from this whole thing.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Yes you are correct I haven't detached and After reading your post I know I'm still chasing after H. I just don't know how to move on. I just need to know right now if there is any chance or not.
If you take this attitude of having to know everything right now. I can tell you the answer will end up being that he will end things. I know it [censored], it hurts. But you need to get a grip and give him space and time. Also Mr Bond is one of the Best on the boards he's asked you twice if you've purchased the book DR. If you haven't which it seems you haven't. Go to your laundry room and take the change container to coinstar and go buy the book and start reading. Chasing and begging and asking questions about the relationship will not help matters. It [censored] that just be honest about your feelings doesn't work.
What are you doing right now to make yourself the type of W that only a fool would leave?
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Well that's a good start. What have you read that your implementing?
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
I know today is the day of the big talk and I wanted to wish you well.
Your H is going through an internal crisis and is hurting right now.
When somebody is hurting they often do and say drastic things to make the hurt stop.
They often do not think clearly.
Often these thoughts, words and actions cut deep wounds into the people closest to them.
If both parents in a family have a crisis at the same time, it can cause real and lasting harm to the children.
Kelela, you have to be the strong one now. Your kids can't lose both of you.
Whatever is said today, whatever "decision" your H thinks he's made, you need to be calm and thoughtful in your reaction. Remember that he speaks from a place of hurt and fear. Listen carefully to what he says and validate his message.
If you feel overwhelmed then take a break for a few minutes.
Remember that whatever is said is not carved in stone. Its just how your H feels right now.
I'll be thinking of you, wishing you peace, hoping your "angel" is sitting on your shoulder.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I found this on the MLC thread belonging to LindaM. Her H is planning to leave her for an OW who lives in Russia and she's very afraid her H and this OW will sexually bond. Really read uRworthy's response closely. I bolded some phrases I thought might help you.
Originally Posted By: LindaM
uRw, why do you feel that their physical relationship won't be anything like what I am imagining?
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Because this is a relationship born of a man in crisis and a woman cheating with a married man who lives in another country looking to come here. There is no history here, no love, no committment, no commonality, no friendship. This is built on lies and deceit. This is a bandaid at best for your h.
He knows something is wrong. And he is trying frantically to find a fix for it. That is not the stuff love stories are made of, Linda.
When I spoke with my xh long after the affair died on its own, I asked him about it. He said, in the very beginning, for a short while, the sex was exciting. Soon after, when the reality hit that this wasnt going to make him happy, the she was not someone with whom he could go the distance, it wasnt good. For the reasons, I said above.
All the times I thought these amazing things were happening between them, werent.
It took awhile to unravel. He said because he was desperate for it to work. He had left his family for her. He was desperate to feel better, to feel whole. He said that he didnt want to see that it was not going to work and so he kept burying those feelings.
Linda, I know that you want so much to understand it all. But you see, we really can never truly get it as we are not in a crisis.
And so, it is best to just accept that he is broken. And that he thinks this is going to fix it. But it cannot. Unfortunately, that is something he has to figure out on his own.
No amount of worrying or trying to understand is going to stop what has to happen.
We have a couple of choices in all this. We can continue to spin or we can allow what is supposed to happen to happen. And while we do, we get to become who we were meant to be.
If the two of you are meant to look towards each other in the future, you will have become stronger and even more amazing.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Well I have bad news H just asked me for a D today. I knew this day was coming I had so hoped and wish that this day would never come. And now it has I have no clue what I need to do now. I don't have anything anymore. Well I do have my two wonderful sons that I love so much with all my heart. I now will have to start coming up with a plan for myself and my two boys.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Sorry to hear that. But at least you got it over with. Keep in mind that you can still save your M. Every WAS on these boards have given their spouse the divorce talk. Hang in there and you can keep going strong.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
To Mr bond, I so wish that my marriage would be saved but he said that its over and he is not going to give up OW he has very strong feelings for her. And our marriage dead along time ago. His number one concern now is the feeling of our sons. He has been looking into hiring a lawyer to either delusion or get the full divorce started. I don't even know where to go from here.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
