WAW- the next level

[WAW_SC]

So it’s been a few weeks and the dust has settled a little bit between W and I. There has been no further talk of custody of the boys, and I have not brought it up. Best to leave that for mediation and hope that my W calms down a little. I recently wrote her an email before she went to the auction to say that I did not agree with her proposal to change our current parenting agreement and also to relocate our sons to another school. I stated that I believed that these decisions would have a big impact on our sons and that it would be in their best interest if we collaborated together to come up with a parenting plan with a mediator. I heard nothing after that.

Our Recent interactions have been a little tricky. I still sense her bitterness and anger and try not to get caught up in it. Everything is said with a ‘smile’ so its not worth saying stuff like “ I can tell you’re angry” to her,she will just deny it. I just ignore it and try and stay positive.

But I am getting a little tired of it. I am trying my best to keep the peace and stay focused, but it does not take much for W to get upset/ angry, and eventually bring up the past. She has right to be angry, but I feel like I should not have to take it on board. I think I have allowed it to happen to a certain extent. I am at a stage where I do not want to engage with it anymore and feel that I have the skills and calm to stand my ground without being rude or disrespectful. I have been scared of disagreeing with her or doing anything to upset her in fear of losing the kids. It does hurt, the fact that she can feel that anger towards me. I thought time would help reduce it but it hasnt.

Today I decided to mention splitting our bank account as we still share one. She agreed it was a good idea.

I feel like I need to move on and stop living in fear of what my W thinks of me or of what I am doing. I have been scared to talk about this stuff (money, settlement) as it has felt like I would be accelerating the separation/ D but it seems that this is the path that it is taking anyway and I should face it head on. I am not afraid anymore of a life without her. I know I will be fine either way and I just don’t want to keep being judged by her. I can’t win and I do not want to win. I just want to start living my life again free of her opinion of me. Who I am now and who she thinks I am are not the same thing but I don’t feel the need to convince her of that anymore.

I feel sad in a way that I have reached the point that I am ready to walk away from it all, but also confident that I am on a path that will lead me to being a better man and father. I will always be connected with my W. The future is uncertain, everything is up for grabs. I am excited by all the uncertainty and freedom again. Life has the potential to be better from here on and I am now ready to walk away from the M. I will continue DBing as the story is not over but I am now much more positive and ready to watch it unfold.