So Nero, I guess we are both choosing to stand a bit longer. It's that darned hope, right? And faith in God too. I can't give up yet. In the end, if things do not work out like we hope and pray, if our Hs do not choose to love us once more, at least we can know that we really really tried. That we gave it all we could. And think how much more fabulous and less duddie we will be from all this bike riding and other GALing!
I hope you made it to the airport before this rain started. Good luck, let us know how the visit is going. Thanks for your support, help, friendship.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
oh no- don't say it - desperate. listen- you will live thru this and survive it. know that. me too- however bleak it gets or seems and however at the end of the line we feel with some particular aspect- IT WILL PASS by sometime, someday.
breath- do not think- walk or something- anything to get your brain "off it". no kidding. get out of the house and go somewhere - any
try and not allow yourself this thought - think of the baby to come- think of smelling a new baby after a bath- think of the stupid cottage in england-
think of any stupid b ut pleasant thing you can rummage out of your brain- like digging out those pants that now fit from the attic- just do it-
no going down any dark dark holes with no escape holes. no kidding-
i get "the fog" - i get dark places and hopeless feeling-
BUT WE CANNOT ALLOW WONDERFUL SHINEY OLE US TO BE ALL covered in mud and unable to get "clean".
clean up- get the slim off yourself from this sitch- do not let it stick to you.
make a list of the good things about your life and YOU - most importantly. do you honestly in your heart think youare ratty and deserve this??? NO WAY- SOOOOOOO - don't let it drag you down any further rite now.
can go there another day( tell yourself-)
today- now - tell yourself rite now- stave off the desperation. somehow- for your kids if not for you.
i am so sorry you find yourself here- dig deep and contact your inner DAWNNESS - and let her drag you right back up to the light- swim upward toward the light and take a giant gulp of air- and , somehow, continue .....
go out to a mall and chat with people or something= anything-
i hope you're okay- now i'm really worried - and here i thought i gave it all up
hang on dearie- somehow someway we will get thru it all and laugh about this in five years (my matra) lets hope it is all true- and why not?????? i'm askin ya - why the heck not?
hmmm Dawn Marie, now I'm confused. Sorry, I thought from Nero's post that you are pregnant, sorry. I just read thru a bunch of your posts on your threads, and can see that you are one brave woman. There are a lot of similarities in our sitches, -- H angry and lashing out early on, him feeling like a failure, his fixation on dying, the pathetic OW who needs saving. Your H's is an alkie loser who needs money, my H's is a Russian loser who just wants him to D me and marry her so she can get a green card.
I know that you feel horrible and desperate and frustrated, but you are just looking at how you are feeling now, while I read your threads back over the past 12 months, and can see how strong and how brave you have been. You are doing great Dawn Marie, hang in there, remember what Nero said -- in five years we will all look back and laugh about this.
Oh, sorry for the mix up, I am waiting on a grand-baby, he's due August 22nd! Yea, Nero loves her nieces babies so she's excited for me to be a grandma.
I hope you can read as far as your looking, I messed up on one of the thread addresses that carries them to the beginning. I like to read people's beginnings here, I should put that on this new thread.
You've been here a while yourself, I see in your signature that there was a PA that is still very fresh, so sorry to here he took it that far. If your anything like me, he really isn't you "friend" who would pick friends like these guys!
Thanks for the support, we are all a bunch of strong sole's on this sight. Nero is my ear that's lets me dream and rant, all while she calms down just enough to give a good word, and then we switch!
I have read some of your new thread, your sitch does sound very familiar, are H's are such little boys looking for themselves under any rock they can find, and so gullible, my goodness, I thought all men were as strong as my grandpa who fought in 3 wars, someone should warn us about these delicate ones who break easily.
Aah, 5 yrs from now sound great! Me, the kids, the grand-son, and H sitting quietly subdued or off to the mother ship! Either way for me is fine, I'm getting more real with the idea of a new life and even the new people that may bring.
Keep post, I'll stop by and read how you are doing. Stay strong Linda!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I'm most desperate just be on a good path, and have this way behind me. Your right w H here everyday it's harder. He doesn't want to leave me, why would he really, I haven't done anything wrong. He can't function w/o me, or at least it would not be at this level of quality.
So why the hell am I scared. He's the one who needs to wake up and smell the lack of independence. He needs to miss me, understand what he's giving up, and not want to trade any of that for an stupid "friendship" w a looser.
Or, GTF out! I can't make it any more simple! Oh, yea I can leave! We'll see, like you I am just hanging on to the gift of time!
(((((()))))))) hugs! dm
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
My H said I am the only on who makes him see the things about himself he doesn't want to face.
EA and H discussed that they were not going to be friends anymore, this after I told H to go with her and make his life. When he told her what I said, she said no way, not that he wanted that either he said, but he presented it to her as to say this is what my W thinks about our R is about, she wants us to seal the deal.
Personally, I think she likes it just the way it is! He has no say over her, there is no commitment to follow, and it’s easy, he’s basically my problem, while at her beckon call, and she owes him nothing!
Funny thing is this doesn’t change anything!
I don’t feel special or chosen or even as if we are on a path of healing. I was willing to letting him go be free to give someone else the BS. Let him visit me…walk away to see our home life from the other side.
I did go as far as, during that talk about leaving, to say what about a D. He was furious, saying there I go bringing up societies BS rules on how our M should be. How do you D, a piece of paper would change nothing, we are family, EA is not family, I don’t work my a$$ off for her!!!
Not only does this not change anything, I don’t put any stock into it either. He’s nothing more that a junkie to me. (w/o the actual drugs)
I don’t see how I really have any boundaries in place! I’m just walking that thin line
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
ya know- i've said some bold things- that would mean boundaries- but then not following them up with leaving or tellng him to- feels sorta like i don't have them either.
i can only hope (or assume) he knows me well enough to know who h3 is dealing with- maybe my past - my ex husband, idk-
I KNOW what i'm capable of if pushed far enough- i guess that is going to have to be ehough for both of us.. that i don't jump around ranting and throwing out ultimatums or doing giant huge bold things- just doesn't matter
inside - i'm healng a bit more and more- i get the 'NOT STRONG ENOUGH' bit. i wasn't initially to walk (unless absolutely gun to my head) - i wasn't- i'm not ashamed or ebmbarassed. i think it's "strong-ish" to know your weaknesses and not do anything for anyone else- for show- image, you know...
anyway- we'll get there - and that is true. who says we have to rush and "prove" anything to anyone. all we need to do is nurture ourselves- our hearts- heal up some - get a grip some- get stronger some (feeling) etc.
i'm serioys. i feel absolutely unrepentent about it today
i'm outta here
xxoo glad you're there & okay today hopefuly.
xxoo (()) it sure is a long long journey- huh? wonder how long???? if only we could see the future- NO I TAKE THAT BACK- i'd rather be surprised either way- nooooo knowing what is to come for this girl-
Nero, how did you make out during your H's visit? I agree it is a sign of strength to understand your own weaknesses. You are getting stronger and stronger. Maybe not strong enough to kick his ass out of your life completely, but I really think you are not ready to do that yet, have not given up hope yet. But if and when the time comes, you will find the strength. This is such a wise statement: " we'll get there - and that is true. who says we have to rush and "prove" anything to anyone. all we need to do is nurture ourselves- our hearts- heal up some - get a grip some- get stronger some (feeling) etc." You're right. We'll get there on our OWN timeline, with help from each other!
Aw Dawn, you wrote: "So why the hell am I scared. He's the one who needs to wake up and smell the lack of independence. He needs to miss me, understand what he's giving up, and not want to trade any of that for an stupid "friendship" w a looser. Or, GTF out! I can't make it any more simple! Oh, yea I can leave! We'll see, like you I am just hanging on to the gift of time!"
One way I have been able to survive the past 3 1/2 years of MLC insanity is to keep Plan B in my mind at all times. I am trying to stand, until I cannot stand any longer. But if and when I cannot, Plan B is to kick his sorry ass out, and my H knows it. He keeps making stupid remarks, for instance, he asked me for more time, as HE is trying to decide whether he wants to divorce me and marry the Tramp, or to just live together as friends. As if I had no say in the matter at all. He's delusional. No matter what he wants, when I'm done, he'll be gone.
But in the meanwhile, I'm trying to hang in there until he wakes up, in the hope that when he wakes up, he'll love me again, just like you are. We can do this, Nero and Dawn
