Crimson.....Holy smokes, I'm piecing,

[25yearsmlc]

Bond -

You drilled the hell out of the nail there on the whole "just come naturally" thing. She said while living back at the house that she feels that there should be a "flow" to things where everything just kind if works. And that in this "flow" you're not always having to change or self-analyze or anything.

After nearly 32 years of marriage, I completely disagree with your wife on this. Marriage is "naturally" and ebb and a flow thing.
You don't leave when it ebbs...

There are times you "stand in the doorframe during the storm" and you wait for it to pass (like after the death of a parent). and times when

you DO something to ensure it does pass...and gets back to the "flow".



How you are then and there is always sufficient. Likewise, on your "just come naturally" point, she said that she felt like she was "forcing" things with us....with me. Things that I guess she just thought "should come naturally" - even after all that we have been through.

She did read books, but I feel as though a lot of them (not all) were about self-actualization and not relationship/marriage skills and realities.

I have found that in times of crisis we tend to seek out opinions, beliefs, and points of view that already comport with what we already believe. It keeps us from having to challenge ourselves. Look at my early posts - I was NOT challenging myself nor was I inwardly directed. At all. Period. Why? Because it hurts. Well, it did for me at least.

THEN what happened Crimson? What made you come back HERE when we all know you did not simply find others to agree with you....so, why'd YOU come back?

B/C you're braver? it probably is one reason. That's the thing that most strikes me about what distinguishes you from your wife. She is not brave.

She does NOT want to look within. And I don't know what you can do about that...except maybe model it. But don't slide down into letting her believe that you are the only one who needed to make the journey.

The real journey in life is an inward one. And love IS a choice. In fact I think it's mostly a choice.


Does this happen a lot in the reconciliation process, Bond (and others?) - these "scratch landings" where things are ok then go pear-shaped all of a sudden? Will we ever get it back? Honestly, what does it take? What does it take on her end? For a fleeting instant it felt so much like we were moving in a good direction. At this point I am willing to state that it is no longer just me. I have really tried to do my part of the work.

Crimson