Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

Snodderly and Bright...and T....thanks for your input today.

Other news...and maybe positives. I have been so focused on me and my feelings, and the boys that I have dropped the ball on keeping up with the little interactions/connections I do have with H. Now that I am in a good space and honestly really detached (not 100%) I am unsure what my next steps should be. Now I don't want to get attached..., but I think I should be trying something new...idk.

H seems comfortable the past couple of weeks with chatting. Stupid stuff, weather, work, boys. There have also been times where he has asked me about things...usually concerning the kids. I also found out from S10 that his father did "speak" to him about a disciplinary issue at school that I had mentioned to him, and today H called me at work to ask if it would be okay if S10 skipped martial arts class so he could spend time with the boys. I am finding that when my H speaks he seems to be telling the "truth" to some degree, and valuing my input ?!?! His demeanor seems "happier" around me for the most part. Unless I do my own version of bomb dropping that H doesn't like. (Which will be coming soon...I'll post as this unfolds).

I know the saying if his lips are moving he is lying, but could it be possible that my H is the opposite of that? Or could I be missing something? IDK.

I did some reflection on OW spending time with my boys alone. While I don't think this is healthy for boys, it could be a good dose of reality for OW and H to see that it won't be a bed of roses should thier relationship continue in the long term. That thought could backfire on me as well, but I think I am going to let that way one play out. I mean eventually it may just happen that they become one big "happy" family. As the kids get older they may speak thier mind about it. I am letting this go...for now.

So up until today, my thought process was to stay out of H's way and let him lead the life he wants without my interference. I also stayed away from any connecting moments because 1-I was in a bad place hurting, 2-he is making his life with OW right now, and 3-I was working on me. Does anyone feel I should shake up this dynamic at the moment, and what could I do?

I guess my thought is if we lose all connection there will be no turning back for him, but I know this is not true in some cases...it just feels that way to me.

Any thoughts on this would be great. I know one thing I want to start doing is look H in the eyes more. Hard to do with phone or text, lol! But in prior interactions H always wore sunglasses and made this difficult. Maybe he wore them to hide behind, but he doesn't seem to do that anymore. Look, I know H is deep in replay behavior (or is seemingly happy with life right now), so I don't want to screw up all the work I have put in. I just think "something different" needs to happen with our interactions.