Hope you don't mind me chipping in on your thread H61, I swear you and I were separated at birth, and so were our spouses. You and I share many of the same insecurities, and so do our spouses.
You, like me, still seem to want to try to control the situation, good or bad, the problem is that its almost always bad cause its just not happening fast enough for us. I know exactly how you feel, and to a large extent we're both making exactly the same mistakes. I think what finally got me over that hump was the fact I convinced myself that if I do it one more time, my spouse is gonna walk right out the door. SO DONT DO IT.
When I feel that urge to say something in an attempt to control again, I go for a walk, get away, remove myself from the situation. After all, that's truly the only control I DO have right now. You will find if you can do it enough times, your not pressuring him into making the "wrong" decision.
I don't think your quite detached enough, and hey, that's ok, its a slow process for us "intiate'ers". But it is something we need to change about ourselves. It obviously affects many other aspects of our lives. I also like to look at it this way, "Is this something I want to pass on to my kids?" These are not the lessons I want them dealing with when they get married.
I don't know if your a texter, or have a support friend, but I find the slow banter back and forth a great way to kill time. AND it helps with the mystery you speak of, husband wondering who you could be talk to? has she moved on? I know its all a façade for now, but its amazing what I can do for your self confidence.
