Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

Your sister has some good advice and I really hope you can figure out a way to make that work for you.

I understand being super busy (maybe not as much as you have going on ) and old friends being busy with their own lives but I still think it's important to do something new. Do something where you'll meet new people.

I know you are right. I will try (and try even harder after I graduate). I can list off a bunch of reasons/excuses, but I don't think anybody wants to read that. Meeting new people doesn't come easy for me, so that can be a self improvement project for me.

]Why would you need to see her? Any free time that week should be all about YOU since kids are gone.

Since this was scheduled it has come to mind several times. My thoughts have been to initiate no (zero) encounters with XW, but I'm not sure how to handle the potential, "Want to do something/come over and hang out?" question that could very well pop up.

Though after the boundaries talk this weekend, maybe there's less of a chance of this occurring. Like Crimson explained, I guess I'm just scared of creating distance, which in my case probably stems from insecurity.

Sigh...things will NEVER be the same between the two of you no matter how much you want them to be. You are different, she is different, this process and the steps to get here have changed you guys for ever. Do you really even want them to be? You guys ended up here for various reasons.

I understand how bad you want to go back to "normal" with a good M and happy family because I've felt it. Fact is that right now that's not where you (or many of us) are and I feel the stress of you spinning trying to hold on to that dream. What would happen if rather then staying scared and stuck you started getting excited about your new life. Take it slow (I went a little overboard for a couple weeks with the excitement). It doesn't mean it will always be this way and it doesn't make the pain completely go away but maybe you'll start feeling like you're in control of your life and not waiting for something or someone...

You're right again. I guess I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like a family man with no family.

Just ask yourself are you making it more difficult on yourself then it needs to be. I just don't want you standing in your own way...

Me either. There are times, like this morning, when the feelings of "hope + despair" > "my need and desire to healthfully progress". I just WANT it so badly sometimes that I blind myself to my reality.

But you all keep me in check. So does my sister. And that's good and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

-PM