Hi ladies. Thanks for checking in on me. Having a rough time right now. Just when I think I am getting a handle on the crying I realize nope, not yet. It has been a very weepy day today. The thoughts of H and JW have settled in my brain and I can't get past it right now.
I think of all the emotional support and I love you's that JW is getting and my heart just aches. I knew H had checked out last fall and I kept thinking what am I doing wrong that H won't pay attention to me?? Now i know H was with JW. And then I start beating myself up because I am so desperate for any scraps H has left. And then when I see glimpses of the non-idiot, not stupid head version of H, I think okay I can do this.
What to do ,what to do... Keep standing and hope and pray that he gets thru the tunnel or bail like he did and no looking back. Who am I kidding?? I could never be like H in that respect. H has told me time and time again he will NOT give up JW. I refuse to have an open marriage with JW. And I know not to press right now for anything because H will choose JW . I hate this sooo much.
Thanks Linda for the offer of a collection for bail money. Right now I just want to smack them both upside their heads and somebody is gonna lose some teeth...
Son and I took a walk and it was nice but we both got so hot we decided to finish after the sun goes down. I am going to go work on my GAL list and find something to clean. Not that there is any lack of things to clean around here.
As far the mortgage we are working on a loan modification to get things straightened out. I pray that it will go through.
Maybe I will start another post. Not sure how to do it but it will keep me busy trying to figure it out
Thanks so m uh for caring about me. It means ao much to know I am not alone.
