Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

And as if on cue, sandi2 posted what I needed to read (in Crimson's thread) which seems to fit perfectly:

I think that's your main problem in your stitch. You have always been available. Too available! She never had to experience how most women live after D. If she needed anything, you were there. I would get so angry at her, b/c she sounded so spoiled and selfish. She has really had a lot of cake to eat!

I know you have made tremendous changes in yourself. I believe everyone here admires you in those great accomplishments. I am certainly among them. However, I will admit that there have been many times that I wanted to reach through the computer and shake you... smile Why? B/c you have been too good to her! It doesn't work on most WAW's that left for the reasons she gave you. What did she lose due to the D? Besides the obvious comforts of life you had given her, what else? She sure didn't lose you. Ever! She had you around, and she called the shots and made sure you knew not to press your luck. She wanted you for a best friend. At what point did it change to lovers?

Crimson PM, you're a nice guy. I don't know how you may have been in the past, but you are a very nice man, now. You have been extremely available and "giving" to your XW, trying so hard to prove your changes. But in MHO, all that's left is for you to do what Bond said. She will not pursue you if you're always there at her beck & call. When you did not initiate contact with her when she went to visit family, didn't she break down to contact you? If she saw you passing her up for a better life (and the possibility of meeting a better wife), she would start to realize just how much she really wants you in her life. But she has to see that she wants you more than just a best friend who will do everything with her and son. She has to see you having a life and being happy without her. She has to see you taking son and not including her in those parent-child activities, even if she should ask in the beginning. The two of you continued as a "family" after the D, but when she didn't want you to be with her & son....she had no problem telling you! She had the best of both worlds. I seriously saw no difference after the D was final and she continued to play her games and treat you so badly. You were still available to her! That is one of the first things MWD tells the LBS....is not to be so available.....and that's before a D, so I would think it would go double after a D. Your XW is wanting that second baby, still, and she needs to realize that she can't have both....the family togetherness and a divorce. That's exactly what she has wanted and has had ever since she left you in the beginning. That's what she wants by having this second baby. She has you and the kids but she doesn't have to play the role of wife.

You can't stand to think about other men dating your XW, but don't you know that if it were turned around and knew you were dating other women that she would feel the same about you? If she didn't, then you don't need to hang on anyway. But the biggest change in her will come if she believes you are dumping her. As long as it was her dumping you, it was fine. But just you watch what happens if she sees the new Crimson PM dumping her.

Buck up, PM! Sweet Jeebus! I was vasectomized, not neutered!

-PM