Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

Snodderly, I am not going to beat myself up. This has freed me.

Freed me with a lot of unresolved questions. Freed me to see what needed to change about me. I do have hope that one day I can show this to my H. I know in my heart that I will not be able to do the things I did to my H. Things that added to the hurt and pain he was and probably still is feeling. I know now I will be able to have compassion. I needed to find something inside myself. That was my part in this journey. I just want to now build on it and improve upon what I have learned. As the title of my thread...looking inward. I am so glad to have learned this lesson now. I will be praying for all the right things now. I will be praying that my H heals and finds himself and all the love that exist for him. Not that my H returns to me. If he does, then I know I will be strong enough and know enough to really be able to have something great with him, an even better marriage than what we had. But if not, then I also will be praying for him to be restored and for his relationship with our boys to be restored...which has been God's true gift.

I am sorry to ramble on a spiritual rant, but maybe my fog is lifting...so much that I see soooo clearly. I will be building on this...I know my journey is not over yet, and may have just started today.