Overall is hasn't been 4 weeks, its been 5 months, the 4 weeks are the full 180. There hasn't really been any progress I guess, but there hasn't been any setbacks either.
Well, in our situation, our marriage issues were lack of communication and emotional involvement. So the DB coach said for me the 180 was working on those without pressing/pushing. Listen to her complaints, and validate. Small steps are to show im there listening, responding and not being judgmental/fixing/rug sweeping.
The problem with that is she no longer wants to talk about it, just kind move on in an "I give up" type of emotional state.
For the next week, im going to give myself a goal of not bringing it up, let her if she wants. I'll see how she responds, like the DB coach says, try something new, if that doesn't work try something else. Basically im still in the trial and error department, slowly figuring things out. Right now, she's so depressed its hard to get a read on anything positive, but the negative lessons learned are just as important.
I'll schedule my next DB coaching call for after this trial "no communication" (don't mean silent treatment-just no specifics) week. Tweak as the week goes and then get my advice from Chuck.
SA, I hear ya, in the past the ultimatum ideas were rampant in my mind, now I've learned thru someones quote here "This isn't a race its a marathon". Not sure who said it, but its so true.
Overall I guess the thing im learning is maybe now is not the time to be working on the "us" in very many ways. Just keep working on the me. Give her some time and space, and hope she starts to figure herself out. Let her bring it up, if/when she's ready to do so.
