For the most part, I don't/didn't, unless it has to do with the kids or house stuff ("business"). I did initiate early on and got my hands and forearms burned enough that I learned, and stopped (aside from "business").
But after lots of others threads (archive and current) and advice here, and finally "getting" the dim/dark concepts, and WHY it is a good, tested method, I stopped initiating and let her lead. It gave her the space she wanted and took pressure off her, regarding me, so I looked "slightly less the enemy", so to say.
But, after getting my bearings, the few times I did initiate was mostly to drop "truth darts", or to let her know my boundry had been crossed...This was how I rolled for the most part for 18 out of 24 months or so. Sometimes W would peek out and we had more "normal" interactions for a while, but mostly the "dim dance" was "normal".
I just remembered something my IC said to me back in Feb 2012 that helped shake my into understanding, a wonderful 2x4...
"Your W doesn't want to talk? Really? So effin' what. She doesn't want to talk, so, go find something else to do with yourself then...you're a big boy, right?"
And this ^^^^ also plays into your W's perceptions of you being "just another kid to tend to" PON, I imagine.
My IC can be the female counterpart to a few male vets here at times...lol...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
