So what you’re saying, which I forgot to mention, is that I should emotionally abandon her now, even though that’s what drove her away in the first place? (That’s a tough one – always been my biggest hurdle). Maybe that makes sense because we’re divorced? And/or now that she’s seen the real me again, she’ll figure out what she’s missing, and maybe that’ll be something.
Her reply:
Quote:
Not abandoning. Right now the relationship you have together is toxic and is not allowing either of you to heal as an individual. She is perpetually holding you near while professing to want to stand on her own. She's confused and needs help. But that help can't be you because it carries with it so much history and emotion that she can't focus or stay on course. Shes spinning in her own head, going no where. Here's where the therapist would be perfect.
You are feeding on her unhealthy need of you. Not good for your growth either. You may both still love each other but you need to detox before you can establish what is truly healthy.
Talking about it with her is how you explain that you're not abandoning her, you are hoping to help her help herself. Maybe meet to talk alone once every couple weeks if you think it would help you both but not at her house. Some neutral place - dinner out or something.
But the habit of you always being present and available, i think, has to be broken to move forward, regardless of whether you stay separate or work things out.
I think I'm afraid to "officially" set boundaries because it will solidify that things will never be the same between us. Right now she is reaching out to me, even though she says she wants independence, and yes, I like that. But no, this isn't sustainable.
SHE DIVORCED ME! WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?!?!?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
