Please do not beat yourself up. The changes were so subtle, you wouldn't have seen them at the time. As you now reflect back to that time, you can actually see how he has "evolved". Childhood does play a major role in the crisis.

You never know what tomorrow will bring, so don't say "never". Life has a way of working things out and miracles happen every day. You need to have faith, hope and a positive outlook and who knows? You just might be one of the lucky ones to have him wake up and want to return home.

For now, focus on those things that you can do to make your life better for you.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.