"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[RosaLinda]

You are such a good woman NLT! It must be so hard for you to see him dipping in and out of his MLC craziness, I don't think we can expect any of it to make sense. Just enjoy the good times, like being taken out to dinner as if it was a date LOL! And having him tell you how nice you look and that he had fun.

I'm sorry he is so fixated on his OW. But hopefully he will get it out of his system. You're right in what you say: "until that itch is scratched and the shine wears off, he's going to forever wonder what could have been had he just taken that step. That step being living with her, acting as if they were H and W or bf and gf. Silly for a 60+ yo man and a 40+ yo woman to be bf/gf, isn't it?" The A will eventually die a natural death. But if you try to prevent him from doing what he feels compelled to do, he will probably always blame you when he wonders what might have happened.

My H wanted to fly to Russia to meet his first EA, back in April 2011, and I told him he makes his own decisions, but if he went he could not live in our home any longer. He did not go, but now picked up with this new Russian Tramp, and plans to go visit her in Moscow in September. I know I could give him the same ultimatum again, but my DB coach advised me not to. He said that MLCer's OW are crazy needy people themselves, and the relationship has no true substance and cannot be sustained. So let him go, do what he needs to do. He will do it anyway. The affair will eventually die. And maybe if I'd been DBing back then, this MLC would have been over. I'll never know.

I laughed when I read what you wrote about how silly it is to for a 60 year old man and 40 year old woman to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I just made the same comment on my thread a few days ago. I had remembered a text message the Russian Tramp wrote to my H, threatening to find another boyfriend, and thought how ridiculous it was for a 58 year old woman to call my 59 year old H her BOYFRIEND! This just makes my DB coach's point -- these OW as crazy as our Hs!