Well, here I am, almost 1 year post BD. And the show must go on. Both H and I are Pink Floyd and Queen fans. How ironic. The first one seems to be about my H, and the second more about what I feel.
Pink Floyd:
Ooooh, Ma, Oooh Pa Must the show go on? Ooooh, Pa. Take me home, Take me home, Take me home Ooooh, Ma. Let me go, Let me go, Let me go
Do I have to stand up Wild-eyed in the spotlight What a nightmare Why don't I turn and run? There must be some mistake I didn’t mean to let them Take away my soul. Am I too old, is it too late?
Ooooh, Ma, Oooh Pa Where's the feeling gone? Ooooh, Ma, Oooh Pa Will I remember the songs? Oooooh, waah The show must go on
Queen:
Empty spaces - what are we living for? Abandoned places - I guess we know the score. On and on! Does anybody know what we are looking for?
Another hero - another mindless crime. Behind the curtain, in the pantomime. Hold the line! Does anybody want to take it anymore? The Show must go on! The Show must go on! Yeah! Inside my heart is breaking, My make-up may be flaking, But my smile, still, stays on!
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance. Another heartache - another failed romance. On and on... Does anybody know what we are living for? I guess I'm learning I must be warmer now. I'll soon be turning, round the corner now. Outside the dawn is breaking, But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!
The Show must go on! The Show must go on! Yeah, yeah! Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking! My make-up may be flaking... But my smile, still, stays on! Yeah!
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends!
The Show must go on! Yeah! The Show must go on! I'll face it with a grin! I'm never giving in! On with the show!
I'll top the bill! I'll overkill! I have to find the will to carry on! On with the show! On with the show!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Limbowife, I was thinking about that song... I wish I would be numb too, but unfortunately I’m not.
I’m planning to go to the vacation home this week, probably on Thursday. My sister and one of her sons are going with me. And my dog, of course. So, I was contemplating if I should take my car or my H’s car, which seats on the drive way collecting dust. He told me when he parked it, that I could use it to drive to the vacation place. It has insurance (for Mexico) and uses little gas. I thought that I didn’t want to drive his car, and I would get insurance for my car. Well, I took my car to the mechanic for oil change today and he told me that there are lots of problems. My car is 12 years old and I expected that at some point I would have to do some repairs. But, the mechanic said that I cannot drive it long distance in the condition it is now. So, I left the car at the shop. I’m going to drive my H’s car. I guess the fate intervened to resolve this issue for me, and now I don’t have to decide. However, I’m planning to fix my car, and I will drive it next time when I go to the vacation home place.
I’m looking forward to this weekend. Our mutual friends called me today. They are expecting us and are excited to see us.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Oh I hate that about your car. I am glad that you have H car to drive. And it was one less decision you had to make. Thank you fate
I am so excited for you to get away for vacation this week! You deserve it so much. Make it be about YOU and having a good time. Sleep in, eat some stuff that is bad for you and just relax.
Great thread title, and choice of songs Bright. Both Queen's version -- you're aching but learning and will soon turn the corner. And Pink Floyd's "The Show Must Go On" is a great theme song for MLCers, they didn't mean to have their soul taken away, but it's sure gone isn't it? Temporarily I hope!
I didn't know your vacation home is in Mexico - how fabulous is that! You will have a wonderful time with your sister, nephew and dog. Will you let your H know you are taking his car after all?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Thanks everybody. I will definitely have great time this weekend. And a few drinks…
I’ve got a phone call from H again this morning. He wanted to know if I sent him the package with his mail and software. He left a message and I called him back. When I called he was busy with work, so he asked me if he could call me right back. I said “yeap”. So weird, it was just like in old times. He called back and we chatted again. He asked me about the Quickclaim deed again. He told me that I could do the mortgage refi on both names, but the Quickclaim would still be valid. WTH? I don’t get it. Is he trying to be nice to me by signing this form? I don’t know what to think about this. I told him that the mortgage company reconsidered and I’m getting the refi done on my name. He said “cool”.
During the conversation he was giving me some details of his life again. He told me that the address where I sent the mail is the apartment where his male friend lives. This means no more guessing for me who’s address it is.
I told him that I’m taking his car to Mexico. I also gave him some details about my car and about my sister going with me. I don’t know if it was too much information. I just wanted to justify why I am taking his car. I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to get closer to him. I cannot get too comfortable either. These phone calls sound so normal sometimes that I catch myself on a thought that I’m leaving in a dream and BD didn’t happen. This is very weird and screwing up with my head.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Aw Bright, it's hard, isn't it, when our Hs start acting nice and normal again? I really think he's trying to reconnect with you, not just about the business, but really with you! I am not sure of anything anymore, this MLC is messing up my brain too, but think that you're doing fine by just being pleasant and available to him when he contacts you. Which he does a lot now, right? Did you say that your cell phone doesn't work at your vacation home? Maybe it was that there is no internet service? Anyway, if so, you won't have to worry about contact or not during your vacation with your sister.
Linda, I think in his head he is trying to establish the friendship, just like he wanted all along. But, I have a feeling that on subconscious level he is trying to reconnect. I also think that he will be fighting any feelings in him besides the friendship.
Our vacation home doesn’t have internet, but there are some WiFi spots around where I normally go to check my e-mails. I have Verizon phone and there is no service in this part of Mexico. I have a paid phone when I go there, so I can make local calls. I can also call US, but it is more expensive. H doesn’t know my paid phone number, but he can get it from our mutual friends, if he needs to. I don’t think he will be calling me while I’m there, but you never know…
I hear you about MLC messing up your brain. I just hope that I’m stronger now and can handle some disturbances, LOL.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
