I am glad that you found out more about validating – this is important. I have the exact same problems as you, and have experienced major development already but also finds that there is a lot of practise and further studying ahead if I want to be the jedimaster of this – and I do want that. It is surely hard to learn but it is essential to this and I do think it will do me (and you) good in all kind of relations.
….so keep on reading and practising this. I practise on friends, children and in all relations. Try google on “active listening” and "active listening skills exercises”. This wont make you really validate but perhaps it can help you on the concept of listening.
About the bed! IS is right about suggestions from in here and I agree with them. If she doesn’t want to sleep next to you then she can move. You are the only one that knows your W and sitch well enough to judge on this one but I think I would simply state something like! “W! I have been thinking about your suggestion about swapping night in bed and on the couch and I do appreciate you coming up with solutions but I do not feel like sleeping on the couch anymore – it kills my back and ruins my sleep. I will sleep in the bed from here on! I wont mind you sleeping next to me so feel absolutely free to decide what ever you want.” And then sleep in the bed!
With my W and her moods I would properly throw in something to ligten it up like: "If you wont snore or grind your teeth to much I wont mind you sleeping next to me so feel absolutely free to decide what ever you want.” I do not know your W, R or you well enough to judge on this but it is my experience that a smile or a laugh, always lighten things up a bit in my sitch. You have to be you and use your own words otherwise it will seem false - so be you!
If she wants to argue about this one I would validate her feelings but also hold my ground!
Why are you so afraid of this one? (Give it some thoughts!! - I have been asked that question in here a lot of times! – It’s a good one to ask yourself.)
If you end up sleeping together - then remember to behave
Best wishes!
F
AND: Remember I am not a vet! Get that signature on your profile
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
