1 year today since original BD. A lot has changed since then. I am still sad, but no longer in shock. I still love my H but am definitely not "in love" w him. Not sure my M is saveable anymore.
I want more in life. And, I know I can't live in limbo forever. It's really been 18 months since H checked out. I am lonely and don't want to "do life" alone. But, I do know I need to heal first.
Am switching back to my first C, I think. Things she said to me still resonate w me. She was very "old school" but she wasn't just a good listener, as I've found my next two C's to be mostly. A good friend of mine sees her and he has made some real growth through her help.
Another thing that has changed my perspective a little-- cute, young D'ed dad from my party & I have been texting a little. It has very innocent and sporatic, but it has been incredible for my self esteem. It makes me realize I want MORE than life alone.
Yet, I KNOW I am not ready. Please no 2x4's about the texting. It feels okay for me now.
Can't believe it's been a year, yet it's been the longest, saddest, worst year of my life.
Looking more forward to the next year--"a year of healing."
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
