Its tough; getting tougher

[amy1982]

Thanks for stopping by, Kaffe.
1. One of the guys that was briefly involved in that situation told me. (He regretted involvement instantly & has steered clear)
2. I do not hold to the same line ( as far as dress,no instrumental music etc) I did when we married yet by choice I am still conservative..Ex. wear skirts. I'm not promoting this as THE way..its just me & what I've chosen.
3. I do not believe an affair is a dealbreaker provided the wayward spouse is repentant & willing to do whatever it takes to re-establish trust. Because of my experience I understand how one can be caught in something they did not intend (which by no means excuses them!)& they can actually learn some VALUABLE lessons (albeit the hard way!) So I am willing to forgive my H but if he continues on this course......guess I'm waiting 4 further direction
4. I believe my H tried to fit into something that wasn't truly a part of who he was. He has said as much already...at that time in his life (he was only 20) he thot that was what he wanted. He promoted it. So yeah, I def had expectations I have had 2 drop. And at this point I have largely dropped all expectations (ummm maybe sometimes they're still there ) He comes & goes as he pleases & I ask no questions.
5 One big complaint- I don't accept his friends. Honestly I have a reasonable R w/ all but the jumble (his buddy & wife & H's GF) who live next door. They in no way respect the bounds of our M or anyone else's because they are fine w/ the wife having sex w/ married men. (I personally know 2 married guys who fell into that trap but then removed themselves from the situation)
B. I am too controlling. Ummm yeah..sometimes but that is his complaint about most women he sees in a R. If he hears of a man who honors his wife's wishes above his own, he says that guy's being led around by his nose. His mom WAS very controlling so anything that reminds him of that freaks him out.
C. I don't trust him. Unfortunately, that's been true the past 4 1/2 yrs. But the past 3-4 mo I have not confronted him w/ anything that I can think of. If I would have understood myself back then I would have realized its not so much about trusting him as trusting myself & my boundaries.