Thx bond . Last 2 months not much talking. No conflict because I don't engauge. She snoops my stuff but there isn't anything to find . I feel she trying to find any little reason to jump ship yet again
I committees to 12 steps of alanon and have great mentor. All I can do for now
PON, I sigh when I read your questions about how long an MLC will last...
I cannot say your w is in MLC at all. Given the numerous issues you both have, and all the things she is NOT working on, why label it "MLC" at all?
Plus, even if it is MLC, (along with several other problems) WE have no idea if it "ends".
The thing you have to "get" now, is that there is NOTHING to suggest that when an MLC ends, that they somehow return to who they were before.
MOST DO NOT "return" to their former selves...most are permanently different.
So even if she were to stop being in flux, (Which I think is an understatement for someone being so moody for 4 years...)
she still might not "return" and this has been going on for 4 years now, correct?
Isn't it possible that she's just not a very Unhappy person, who remains broken and looks for external causes for her pain?
Also, fwiw, you said "EE" did not focus much on communication. I disagree a lot.
Essential Experience promotes itself (and imo, deservedly so) for heavy emphasis on Communication. In fact it's tax deductible mainly for that reason. The exercises it contains bring out emotions we have, about issues we may not be aware of, but we are always "armed" with the structure of the exercise for safe communication. EE is a safe place for expressing yourself in a given situation or about a painful issue. I am a L but I communicate much better since EE b/c I don't always play the "advocate", and I don't always cross examine the way I used to do.
I learned a new "consensus building" way of communication. And an authentic way of saying how I feel, even when it's dark or unappealing, but without escalation or attack. So yeah, I'd say it focuses on communication a lot.
Your issues at EE perhaps were not THEN about communication so much as trying to figure out how your childhood affected the things you say and do today, (or the way the Old PON would do things...)
The "trick" is to help your w learn those ways, like using the open body posture and making eye contact and teaching and modelling that for her.
However, I say all this^^ with the belief it may help someone else.
B/C I don't think your w will make eye contact w/you voluntarily. I don't know a healthy way to "make" her do it. I think you guys have a lot of water under the bridge...
not saying it's too late but I am saying your old behaviors are not getting you anywhere. All the R talks and ways to get her to open up (which is sort of temp taking and or pursuit, really)
are not helping. And the "detach for 90 days & assess", did not last. So let's review your other posts. See if YOU find a pattern.
FWIW, You communicate better now than before, with US. You have more insights than before. You just need to DO what you say.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
