Well, first and foremost I will admit that I was not detached, with the feeling of "big deal". That was a farce, perhaps I was trying to make myself beleive.
in regards to daughters safety, there wasn't any issue with her physicial safety that I was aware of. My issues were more in regards to the modeling she was subject to. It has been an issue with me since the birth of our daughter. This friend, the "dunk" is a very caring person. She is a close friend of wifes, why? I have no idea. My biggest issues with her are her drinking and lack of moral values. To put it simply, she is very inapropriate. She is a drunk, and she is not kid friendly in regards to her words or actions. The flip side of this is, wife and daughter think shes the bees knees. Me stepping in during that situation would leave me looking like a complete idiot. Daughter was in no physcial harms way, but at the same time this relationship has been present daughters entire life. I am not sure why it bothers me so much more now. Perhaps, because I know wife is using her as a babysitter while she chooses to spend time with OM, rather than spending time with daughter in the limited amount of days she has available to her. It just doesn't settle well with me. I am sure wife would not ask me to babysit while she goes off and doinks another man, to put it bluntly. So, I am experiencing double the reasons for my anger to flair.
Here is the situation regarding Fathers day and how I repsonded to it. Wife asked me if she would be able to take daughter. On any other day, my answer would have been an absolute NO. However, my wifes grandfather, a man I dearly admire, is leaving his home to move 12 hours north where another family member can care for him. He is in his late 70's, with deteriorating health. It is very likely that the day in question would be the last time my daughter would likely ever see him. I felt it was important for her to be there to see her great grandpa off for the last time. That is the sole reason why I agreed to the request, and it was also the only reason I allowed the time to be extended. Bearing any unforseen tragedy, I will have many more chances at fathers day with my daughter. That is what drove my decision. I did not ask to attend. That would have been the most sincere form or pursuing I can think of. I am sure you would have let me have it for ever mentioning something like that. I was however very hurt that I was not asked. It was not my place to request and invite. Wife later told me that she didn't invite me because I do not invite her to my family functions. That absolutely blew me away. I thought that she no longer wished to be part of any of it. I was shocked.
I KNOW that when I am hurt, I resort to anger. I am working on it. I KNOW I am better at controling it and accepting it than ever before. I have vented, but I have not reacted anywhere near how I would have reacted in the past. I am improving.
Oh, and in regards to the family members that spoke with wife. they were actually HER family members, cousins. I was not present, nor did I have any idea the discussions were going on. I was only informed about it the next day. Aparently, wife was making comments that her cousins felt were either untrue or our of context. I am not sure. I did not condone it, but I am sorry that the conversation happened.
I have given LOTS of thought to what LA said about wife checking out a long time ago. I am certain that is very accurate. We BOTH had pulled way back in our relationship for a very long time prior to BD. I assume that doesn't make my chances of reconling to be very likely, and it makes me feel that much worse about the situation. I needed to be more pro-active in my marriage years ago, not months ago. Now, I feel it is far, far too late. I have almost accepted, no not accepted, REALIZED, that wife is never coming back. For some reason I cannot come to grips with it enough to move myself forward. I know I am experiencing personal growth. Perhaps not as much as you would like to see, 25, but its growth and I know it is happening. The unfortunate side of things is along with my growth, there is more than likely not going to be a reconciliation. I have read through enough sitches, less damaged than mine, that never get a second chance. I am fairly sure I fall into that catagory. It really sux!
