Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Just another little update while I have time. It seems like the crux of my issues with H revolve around communication. It's not that he's unreliable or a bad H in any other way... It's just that he has a way of interacting with me that's very negative and destructive.

I feel like we may have made some headway on this issue last night. We were having a discussion, on the brink of a fight but I think I said something that made sense: that communication is a dance. Each person has to play their part so that the other person can be heard and respond. I think this is hard to do but it is a skill that can be learned. I made him state his complaint from the "I" perspective rather than the "you" perspective which made it easier to respond. He kept arguing that I only want him to do things differently but I think he doesn't understand that it's hard for me to be empathetic when all his communication comes across as an attack.

Anyway, once he was able to do that he saw that he got a better response. He didn't read the Gottman book like I asked. He dismissed it as "pop psychology". I encouraged him to try to read it. I don't know if he will take that step. He seems very resistant to doing anything differently.