How to proceed with angry, almost-walkaway H?

[MrBond]

You misunderstand. You can "support" them. But not their decisions.

"I understand; I'm sorry you feel that way; It's not what I prefer but I respect your needs. Those are ok, right?"

Exactly.

"Oh...I thought I wasn't supposed to confront him about OW? I'm worried that I'll push him further away if I guilt him about his lies. "

In your case, you're at the cusp of him wanting to cake eat. He blames you for everything that's gone wrong in the marriage, his life, job, etc. He's in the fog of the affair. No one told you to confront him, but you had brought it up. So in those cases, be sure you stand firm and strong. Show him you aren't going to be pushed around.