"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Linda, I believe my h won't be able to move forward in his journey until he takes that step. He is obsessed with her (from the bits of conv. that I heard when he still lived here), even telling her that he's not addicted to her and that it's not because she lives elsewhere that he loves her and "can't live without her". It's been my experience that MLCers will tell you what they're NOT but it's exactly what they ARE! So he's addicted to her (physically IMHO) and until that itch is scratched and the shine wears off, he's going to forever wonder what could have been had he just taken that step. That step being living with her, acting as if they were H and W or bf and gf. Silly for a 60+ yo man and a 40+ yo woman to be bf/gf, isn't it?

Even though I don't believe much of what he says I do believe him when he says that he HAS to do this. Not just with regard to the ow but other things as well. Like moving out, having his space, going back to work and anything else that gives him the freedom to continue on his journey alone. I say alone because even if/when the ow comes to live with him, he will still be alone in his journey just temporarily distracted by a feel good symptom of the process.

He invited me to dinner yesterday and I'm still trying to make sense of it. Oh, wait, I can't make sense of it. I'm dealing with someone who is making no sense right now! LOL It was almost like a date in some ways. He met me at the car, gave me a kiss and asked if he could help me carry anything into the house. I gave him the wine that I brought at his request and followed him in. We ate outside on the deck, drank wine and talked about kids, painting the house, powerwashing the deck etc. I only stayed about an hour and a half and told him I had to get back home. He thanked me for coming over and asked me if I had fun. Not sure what that meant but I told him it was very nice and thanked him. He walked me back to the car and kissed me goodbye, told me to drive safely and watched me drive away. I haven't heard from him today but he did park his truck at MY house again today. I'm not sure where he's at in this process and I don't really pay that much attention to the stages but I'd say that he is isn't totally without logic or sense. Right now he seems to be testing how he feels comfortable relating to me. I don't know what makes me say that but I see him carefully watching me. He seems deep in thought at times with obvious pauses in our last 2 conversations as if she's trying to process what I'm saying and how he is going to respond. Very odd for him to behave that way.

We had a bit of a wind storm last night so I spent the better part of the morning and early this afternoon blowing needles and leaves off of the patio and then in the garden getting my hands dirty. It's so theraputic and satisfying.

Snodderly, I love those little hummingbirds. We have Anna's and Rufous. Because of the climate where I live the Anna's hang out here almost all year round so I'm entertained even during the fall and winter. They hide somewhere for several weeks during the winter but then come back just before spring. My daughter (that lives nearby) has been asking for plants to put on her little patio at her apartment. This is something new for her. She has always been more inwardly focused so this is a very good sign. She's also made friends since moving here and has a social life. Kids with disabilities have such a hard time making and keeping friends so this is a major milestone for her.

I think I'll take a drive so that I'm not here when he comes to get his truck.