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"I don't want to talk about the marriage, I am done, my feelings haven't changed about you, I am all done, I just want out"

I heard this many, many times...be okay with it, it is how she's feeling atm. I think we all have heard similar from our mlc/was spouses many times...part of the process


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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Great stuff!

I also wanted to add that standing up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean making a comment back or arguing. It means not stooping to her level.

Stand up for yourself through your actions, not your words.


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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Quote:
Sometimes it is hard to STFU.


I get this, it was/is hard for me too, but you MUST learn this skill...it works everywhere, not just in this sitch...my kids love it that I can do this now, they feel so much more "heard"..it is VERY powerful at work...amazing how people will "tell" on themselves/plans/etc, etc when I am STFU and using empathetic listening.... wink


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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Final thoughts before I go offline

What if she says her "feelings" are the same & she's not interested in " working" on better communication?

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You don't need to say anything. That's what she chooses to do. You do what you can.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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But essentially I've tried this already . Speaking with her

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She might not change until I'm ready to leave

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"But essentially I've tried this already . Speaking with her"

You continue to do it with an "expectation". You talk to her, that's your choice. She doesn't want to answer, it's hers. Remember, my W never talked for years until she started opening up. Now we joke around like before. You have to get over that hurdle.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I honestly feel there is never a good time to speak to my W. right now she is miserable almost telling me tonight would be fruitless

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Why do you keep insisting on talking with her? Let it go for now.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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