I FEEL LIKE you dawn- this man knows (or should know) how i feel & who i AM. HE can "approach" me- i am "there" - if he chooses not to- it's on him.... i'm the least scary of people and he thinks i still care. (me-sometimes idk anymore).
he doesn't even try- i'd say that's a big ole "doesn't even want to" - he says he's "afraid i'll yell at him" (that mneans talk about anything he does and how it impacts me or hurts me".
i try and never say a word- he knows, he fears & feels like a bum i guess- idk- how do i not know what i do know? what's he's "doing" - it's there floating between us always- he acts like it's not- why???
too tired to bother now -WE ALL ARE ALONE WITH OUR DELIMMAS and decisions - aren't we??? it's ultimately YOU - or ME -
I' ll share a conversation i had with ex at the beginning of all this. He was a wreck. He was accusing me of all sort of things and i have had enough and came back with: " I am not you... I would never treat anyone like you do.. I am not surprised that you say you don' t love me anymore, you have NO IDEA WHO I AM and what i stand for.. "
A bit later, he said he felt hollow, dead inside.. Confused.. not knowing what was right and wrong anymore..
IT IS NOT US... THEY ARE PROJECTING.. We cannot change that.. The empty space we have inside diminish slowwwwwwwly as time goes by and your strenght will also come back.. TRUST ME !!!
hey hi- glad you're alive and "well" and out there.
re: portia's post- I LIKE IT quite alot too-
i'm gong to save it up in case i can ever use it. i feel that way too-
he has not got one clue who i am- and idk if he even knows who he is either- tho, i don't think he's gong to try and find out about himself.
he's havin too much fun telling me what i'm thinking- ( he is always wrong) you'd think he'd get it???
anyway- wise woman - thanks.
Dawn- hang on- we're all out here- i'm worryin about you one tiny bit today- it will get better (someday) just have to get thru one evening , one nite, etc. ((( ))))
thanks again for your post of other day telling me to go look at lindam and wonka posts.
just finished reading her two threads - feel bettr. it's amazing how hearing others share their own "journeys" can make ones own feel not so awful and unusual (punishment).
hard to believe this is all part of (usual) life. never knew- never would have thunk.
hope you're okay today- hope it's a good day.
reading allllll those posts & inputs from various people on lindam - to russia with love - i don't feel alone & crazy today. the age thing is a problem- some of the things their h's have said- wonka sharing things said & felt- cripes... it's all soooo "huge".
i am more on even keel today- embarassed of yesterday's tipping over some edge- oh well.
I told h today nice and calm, to go be whatever it is he's looking to be w EA! I would be fine and he's free! This is after he told me he will be helping her forever because that's what friends do, thats why he was with her last night.
He blew up at me that he didn't want to leave me! I said he's not going to have me anymore, I am making the choice to bow out! I am doing this for me, your are humiliating me and dishonering me no more!
My coach, not MWD, said to lock him out finally! Give him a wake up call after all these yrs, he's cake eating! Change the locks! Tell him though he's is financially there for the family, he hasn't been there for the family in a long time!
Any thoughts! My first thought was I'm not strong enough to deal w the fallout of doing that!
Gonna go cry now! I want a life without humiliation, it's not a lot to ask!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn, I agree w/Mr. Bond. You did great. Just like a child, you put a boundary in place and he didn't like it. Dawn, stay the course and do not waffle on your boundary.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"We are our own worst enemies, reading stuff between the lines that THEY don't put there; hoping that the vague, noncommittal comments they make are hints or omens of more to come. Take what he says to mean exactly and ONLY what the words mean, and in a GENERAL sense for that exact moment.
The words we read into this situation do the most harm to us, in most cases."
I sure agree with this Dawn Marie. My H says something loving and my heart leaps with joy and hope; my H says something idiotic and mean, and I am sure it's all over this time, this really is the end. I try to remember what Cadet tells us all in the beginning -- to not believe ANYTHING they say, and only half of what they do. But it's hard for my brain and heart to connect here and ignore his words, because my H was my rock, a good strong reliable loving man, so my heart cannot understand why he is lying, why he is so mean, why he is saying all these horrible things. They must be true.
But I don't think it's the words we read into the situation that hurt us, but rather that it's the expectation the words cause us to have. I'd say a good 75% of the pain I feel from my H's MLC is caused by my own expectations. It is so hard though, so so hard to have hope yet no expectations.
Hang in there Dawn Marie, with best wishes from Linda Marie
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
had to run away- peeking eyes - just read your own post. do what you feel is rite for you in today's sitch . with today's "heart" - today's "guts" , etc.
it is wonderful i'm sure tomake boundaries - it's all great or terrible- BUT IT'S GOT TO BE YOUR DECISION what you do and how you do it and the time you do it in.
i'm world's biggest chicken. i remind myself daily when i crucify myself daily for not just turning my back and walking away from it all. then i come down to reality and tell myself man up- bide my time- set myself up more comfortably and more ably to take care of my own needs it if all blows to hell- and somehow i manage to bite my tongue and hang on a bit more.
I'M NOT SAYING WHAT YOU GOTTA DO- i'm just sayin what my approach is. i know all advice we get is well-meaning. i alwo know that no one else in the universe is in your heart or mind.
don't despait- decide you're deciding. it's just that- you are guy in control of dawn and you knwo her best. just sit quietly and look into your littl ehart- and then listen to it and your gut.
maybe rite in world eyes - maybe wrong- it only has to be DAWN'S OWN TIME 7 FEELINGS YOU CONSIDER. O OKAY
I'M NOT EXPERTT AND gOD KNOWS I SPIN and twirl and agonize daily-
BUTTTTT - I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN you need only answer to yourself.
end of guest lecture by your bud in misery here.
the whole "i'm tired of this crap life" thing is on my mnind alot too- I JUST KEEP TELLING MYSELF if i go out and gal and keep moving forward and doing stuff ( even smiling when i don't feel like it because studies show you get some happiness feelings going inside you by merely acting like you're happy( go figure) -
anyway- the being tired. i feel it too - i get "at the end" too, but think of that stupid saying about tying a knot and hanging on. i do that because i also remind myself that WE CANNOT MAKE NEW love come by willing it- we can't make a peaceful heart come by willing it - snapping our fingers or quickly. it's a waiting game- we all have to do it-
await end of their journey- await end of our journey- waid and then wait some more.
what i say to me is that if love is going to appear- there is no rule that it will appear only after i ditch h & this life, there's no guarantee it will come at all- there's no quarantee about peace of mind - or when - IT CAN COME as easily while i'm attached and IN THIS SITCH as it can ten years after i'm out of it-
inside me i think it's all alot of fate, luck, etc.
it will all happen or come in it's own ghood time- you and i can't rush it- and very likely- our actions or inactions won't really (in the long run - in a lifetime) matter allll that much.
boy- is that me letting me off the hook or what? but i really just knida believe it. we're sooo small in the whols schmeme of things in the universe. we feel so important - our decidions SEEEEM so important- BUT REALLY____ WE'RE such little fragile things- do we really matter all that much? do our actions???
stay alive first- try for a clear conscience & kindness to others & self- don't hurt anyone or self- have pati4ence if possible nad know it all (the universe & me and you) unfolds as it probably should.
i'm ou5ta here - this sneaking around is sooo dopey- but i do like my privacy while im pontificating here. hoope you're okay\\
hang on- you've gone this far with such guts - we all have waaay more than we think. i thought i'd drop dead - am amazed daily i didn't from sheer pain & grief- ta da.....
cluck cluck- may be chickinie and twirling around, but still standing & still clucking and so on....
xxoo (((( )))00 make whatever boundaries or ultimatums you want to - as long as it's dawn doing it for dawn. you'll suck up the repurcussions all on your own - so YOU make the call all on your own
