Some examples from MY own issues, and please bear in mind I did let my W vent her anger and frustration at/with me, walked the very fine line between being a caring, compassionate human and a doormat, usually being both:
"I see now how how I was can be seen as controlling, I never intended to be controlling, but I get it now that I was, I am truly sorry, I am working on that because it was wrong for me"
"Really? Hmm, I don't remember it quite the same way, explain more please, because if I did X then I want to work on fixing that"
" You are using the words always and never, can you help me understand why there weren't any times where I didn't do X from your point of view"
"I'm sorry you see it that way"
etc.
In my sitch, walking that line and letting her vent her anger and such eventually she burned herself and it out...that was a time from hEll, to be sure, but it was survivable.
Now, can you give me specific examples from your sitch and her "YOU statements" ?
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
