I finally realized that it was only pushing her further away. She even told me at points that I was pushing her away, but I was too stupid to pay attention and listen.
OK, try to remember this lesson you learned. Be VERY careful because early on we all do things that are pursuit/ pressure while convincing ourselves that we're doing them for other reasons. You have got to quit all pursuit ASAP, especially since you've been laying it on so heavy up to this point.
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In my mind, we weren't going to be able to solve our marital problems being physically separated and never being able to spend any quality time together.
Have you read DR? If not then do so. Also read and LIVE Sandi's DB 180 tips (sticky at top of forum). Your W needs TIME and SPACE. Give it to her.
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I felt like by doing what I was doing I was showing her how important our relationship was and that it could indeed be saved.
Your feelings are wrong. DB'ing is counterintuitive, it goes against your feelings. Acting on your feelings will not work. DB'ing will.
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Later, she told me she did think counseling was OK, but she didn't like some of the things the counselor had said about her part in our marriage troubles.
Don't push for MC. It doesn't work with WAS's. Get a DB coach, they're much more effective than MC.
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I have realized my faults and what I have done to cause her to want to leave in the first place and have worked on improving myself since day one.
OK, expand on that because THAT is the root of DB'ing. What are your faults? How did they affect your M? What are you doing differently now (your 180's)?
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2 weeks ago I finally realized that I needed to give her space, so I went dark.
Were you cold and detached in the M? If so then "going dark" can appear to be "more of the same" behavior to a WAS.
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In the middle of this whole separation she had mentioned that we should date, but I was a moron at the time and still in panic mode and told her that she just needed to come home to work things out. That I thought it was silly to "date" my wife.
Oh boy. Well like I said, read DR. Learn about validating your W. Don't argue/ reason/ explain/ agree/ disagree with her. Learn to LISTEN and STFU when she's talking. Learn to VALIDATE.
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Anyway, during this call after the no contact, I asked her if she was still interested in dating. She said yes, that is what she wanted the whole time.
That's fine, but don't have any expectations about it meaning anything, it probably doesn't. Early on the WAS will be willing to date, see MC, sit down to talk, etc. They do these things so they can check them off their list of "things I tried to do to save the M" before leaving. Understand that she's just trying to prove to herself that she's done, nothing more. You are at the very beginning of a very long journey and if you get your hopes up now you're going to be really disappointed. You need to find patience like you've never had before.
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I keep reminding myself to keep a PMA and be upbeat, not talk about relationship issues, and to just have a good time.
