Trust me this line of thinking will only drive you crazy and make you feel worse. As hard as it sounds, you need to detach and start living your life (GAL), and not worry so much about what the H is doing for the time being. Nothing you say or do at this point is going to change your sitch unfortunately. You read the books, and should know that DBing is more about you than the M.
I did everything wrong in the beginning but have been following the advice in DB and on these boards for a couple months. I wish I could give you positive news, but even at this point I feel that D in inevitable. My W is completely detached and uninterested in me. I have learned to half accept it, and half fake my way through it. Does it still hurt? Occasionally yes. But I have gained self confidence, and started doing things that make me happy, even if temporarily.
BTW...I am dealing with my own suspicions, and believe my W is having a PA. All the signs are there. Cell guarding (and most recently a security code), gone for long hours, completely detached (no sex, no emotions), and most recently took down our pictures in the common areas of the house.
I have a couple choices on how to deal with this...and I am doing my best to be positive and at least know I did everything I could to save the M. If it ends in 90 days (our State law), it ends. I lose everything, but I will not lose my self respect.
The reason I tell you all this is so you know you arent alone. Hang in there and get your life together, GAL, and move on "as if". Then after some time decide whether or not your interested in saving the M when your in a more secure place instead of now when its total chaos.
Best of luck to you.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
