I just can't figure out why if she's so happy with OM she's trying to be friends??
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
I agree with the others, you shouldn't have sent that message in the OP. It's pursuit, and you basically told her you're perfectly happy to sit on the back burner waiting for her forever. She'll never learn to miss you if you keep that up, and if she doesn't learn to miss you she'll never want to return to you. What you need to do now is back off and get a life. Be mysterious, let her wonder what you're up to. Don't always be available. Don't always return texts. Sometimes respond right away, other times wait an hour, other times don't respond at all.
Originally Posted By: Jeack
She just texted me a few minutes ago that the video I sent was funny and the dog needs a haircut. Don't even know how to respond??
I either wouldn't respond or do something really brief like a smiley face. Don't drag text exchanges on endlessly, it makes you look desperate. Be the first to end the convos.
In my defense I did send a few emails over the past few weeks direct and to the point and received no response at all. Even about direct questions about the divorce. I totally see it now that I left myself open to be walked on. It was the advice of my lawyer to get back to being friendly so this doesn't drag out. But it's probably going to anyway. The hands are kinda tied.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
1. I deleted my Facebook page. One reason was because she was still getting on my page thru mutual friends. And 2 I was out on a few dates and people got clingy and posting pics and tagging me. Figured I had enough drama in my life. Should I reactivate and just go about my life "as if"
2. She could be dodging the whole D talk because she can't take care of the added bills she will be responsible for once everything is signed. Or she's getting cold feet. Regardless I don't want her back just for financial stability. In the emails and message I've sent over the past few weeks she will not talk about the D. We can sign off on 7/8/13. Do I push her to have this conversation?
I would still like to work things out but it seems lost with her having OM. A friend said she won't figure it out until she hits rock bottom, which won't happen until the D is done and feels the extra bills and knows I'm gone.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
W: So maybe we can meet this week to discuss the divorce stuff?
M:Sounds good. When do you have time?
W:Thursday?
M:Yeah I can do Thursday. Just let me know when and where.
M:You could bring dog along so she could go for a run at the house if you want
Thing is we've already agreed on everything???
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
I just can't figure out why if she's so happy with OM she's trying to be friends??
This is going to sound harsh.....
Why wouldn't she be your friend? She doesn't have vested interest in you as a spouse (at least not in her mind right now), she is not attached to you emotionally. If she can retain you as a friend, a lot of her guilt will be diminished. She gets to live her fantasy life with OM, plus she doesn't have to feel bad about hurting you. It's a win win for W.
W: So maybe we can meet this week to discuss the divorce stuff?
M:Sounds good. When do you have time?
W:Thursday?
M:Yeah I can do Thursday. Just let me know when and where.
M:You could bring dog along so she could go for a run at the house if you want
Thing is we've already agreed on everything???
This is my honest opinion. She isn't done. I am not 100% sure how you should proceed, but I feel it in my gut that she isn't fully gone. She is questioning too much about your life, where you are, asking about OW, even missing the dog! She is definitely looking over her shoulder. Perhaps she needs to look over her shoulder and see you walking your own path. GAL....get it now. Show her that you aren't waiting in limbo for her return. Give her a chance to see that she can really lose you......now, take this with a grain of salt. It is only my personal feeling, and I have been wrong so many times in my own sitch, it isn't even funny. Hopefully some of the pros will chime in here and shed some real light on this.
I was thinking the same thing, she suppose to come to the house Thursday. Well see.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
That's great! Let her come. Show her how confident and fun you are. Show her your 180's. Keep it light. Don't take the conversation toward relationship talk or especially divorce talk, unless she initiates. And even if she does, validate, listen and don't add your two cents, just listen and validate. That is your role in that scenario.
Man, you have a real opertunity in front of you. Plan for it. Get your head in the game and show her a man that only a fool would leave.
