It started with talking to W best friend (she also one of my best friends) that she talks to about our R. This friend will tell me some of their conversations in hopes it may help me and us (I understand I need to be careful with this).
Anyway, one of the things she mentioned was W has felt some pressure in regards to sex. I'm trying to take this info with a grain of salt but I'm confused. I've only tried to initiate S a couple times in the last few weeks-one of the times we did (although I could tell she didn't really want to) and the other time she turned me down. Last week she completely initiated once and it was great.
In the past when I got turned down I would basically take offense and get quiet. I'm trying to change that now by showing PMA and that it doesn't bother me (it still does truthfully but I'm trying).
As well, it was just a few months ago that my W complained that she was always the one that had to initiate S.
As well, a couple months ago I had made a playful comment a couple hours before bed about having S later, which she seemed okay with. When we did go to bed she turned out the lights, said goodnight and rolled over. When I brought it up the day after about being disappointed she said "well you didn't try very hard".
All of this ^^^ but now she says she feels pressured? I'm confused.
So last night we send the kids to my parents for the night so we can go out with our friends (same friends as mentioned above). We have a good time, lots of laughs, W has a few drinks, and we get home to an empty house for the first time in a while. I figure its the perfect time.
I snuggle up to her in bed and she says she doesn't feel like it. I keep PMA and ask her if everything's okay and that I thought she may have been a little distant that day. She said "I just have a lot on mind with work and stuff" (she just started her own business).
I know I'm mind reading but I know that wasn't the reason.
Its days like today I get very deflated that W still isn't "in to me".
I'm still very dependent on how she is. She could initiate S tonight, I'll feel validated, then I'll be okay until I have another night like last night. That's a work in progress for me.
I try to be patient, patient and more patient, but its hard. Its hard keeping up all my efforts despite the fact my W may never have that spark for me again.
M-38 W-32 D7, S4 M-10 BD-May '12 S for 1 month-June '12 Reconcile, Piecing
