Thanks, everyone. The general consensus seems to be just about the same. And I agree with it - somehow I just need to back away and go find myself again.
Last night I was hit with a temporary wave of confidence that kept telling me that it really is her loss on this one if she can't find her way back. I'm certainly not perfect - but I truly love her and my son with everything I have. If she is unable to see or appreciate that now I certainly can't change it. I wish I had the bravado to say "I hope she finds what it is she is looking for", but I don't right now.....I am somewhat embarrassed to say that I want what she is looking for to be me.....still.
I had to drop S off at her place this morning on the way to work. I won't have him for awhile. She was sooooo nice. She asked about the first day at my new job yesterday, asked me about the people, if I liked it. She even asked if I had any coffee and when I said I didn't she offered me some in a to-go cup. I declined, but she poured me some anyway. That was part of our morning ritual when she was back at the house. I wasn't working (long story) and I would get up in the morning , get S ready, make her coffee for the road (even put it in her car) and make sure she got out on time and "de-stressed" about being late or anything. She always said living on her own with S was stressful in the mornings so I tried to make it easier since I was home in the AM. It was part of my attempt to view my relationship as "a place I go to give" - it worked for me. It was new.
Anyhow, I just felt her pushing a cup of coffee on me this morning and being so friendly and inquisitive was weird.
Thanks for helping prop me up, folks. I appreciate it. Please keep the insight and support coming. I really need it.
