If you go with #2, you must be prepared to follow through with whatever comes of it...MC, etc, or D. If you don't, she'll never respect you again most likely. Do you have L lined-up, AND some possible MCs ?
Have you gotten at least an informational consult with a L, so you know what you will be dealing with in your state/province? In my sitch, it made some difference when I said "When I talked to my L back a while ago, to find out what is REALLY involved with a D, we will be doing X, Y, Z, the courts will A, B, C, etc"
I also had some MC possibilities in hand (such as the IC we both used back in 2011, etc).
The point is, coming to the table with hard info maybe signaled that I was serious, getting close to the my limit, etc. My W was a SAHM as well, so I get what is going on in the house for you some (and yes, her getting a job has helped a lot, opened her eyes to how the world outside of the home works a bit).
You have to be ready to follow through, PON, either way it goes. FWIW, I chose #1 for most of the last couple years to some success, she is still here and trying to come out of the tunnel. At end of April she got frustrated or something and ran back in to wanting D, so that's when I switched to #2...she asked for more time (indirectly, of course, lol) so back to #1, though she knows I talked again with a L (this time to be the initiator of D), and believes I will follow through should I get to the "enough" point and don't see any progress/effort with our R. And she has been trying, so D filing is on hold.
Sorry for the long post, just wanted to show one way of many it might play out...
What does YOUR gut/intuition say about how to proceed? T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
