I really appreciate your support, and I am glad that you are back with us and willing to dig deep to work on yourself.
I am really in it today. I have been up since, well....before the crack of dawn with my head and heart just swimming. I think a big portion of my anxiousness is that I am FINALLY in a position that I realize what wife needed. She needed to be loved, doted on, appreciated and all of that needed to be expressed to her through my words and actions. I have always felt it, but I didn't express it. I didn't show her enough. I needed to be much more open about expressing my love for her. That is how it worked in the first several years of our marriage. I really really wish I could do that now. I want to do that. I want to just hold her hand for no other reason than, "I love her". I want to tell her how pretty she is...Unfortunately, her hand is just not available to me any longer and it crushes me. Anyway, I am babbling. I am just hurting. I want her back. I want my family back. I know with all my heart it would be the way it should have always been. But, she can't see it. She won't see it. Even if she could see it, she wouldn't allow it. THAT makes me sad....my whole life feels like this..... Suckerpunchs' life, or at least how he feels it.
