No more games- suckerpunch

[labug]

Sp, about the anger, I don't think anyone is telling you not to feel it or that it's unusual to have anger. Anger is useful but it's not useful every time we feel it.

Our brain sometimes tells us things that aren't true. It's our job to learn to interpret and control that response.

What you describe most often is this, you feel hurt or sad, you don't like those feelings and want to put them on someone else (usually W) that's when it flips to anger because she "made" you sad. Again you want to go external. When you feel sad/hurt can you say to your self "I feel really effin' sad right now and I don't like this feeling at all but this is where I am"?

I know sometimes the pain feels like it will kill you but it won't. However, until you go there and find that out, you'll shy away from it. You'll want to make it go away, which usually means getting angry at the supposed source.

You can be angry, just use it when it's appropriate or would help the situation. How many situations can you think of where anger is a helpful emotion?

I am extreme, you know this. I am all or nothing and catastrophic thinking. I don't ride the roller coaster. I bungee jump. So I have to figure out how to put my W away somewhere safe, as I am not (at least now) ready to give up. I think you may benefit from doing the same.
This from jp is great. Do you notice how you went from not having an anniversary this year right into you'll never trust anyone again, no one will ever love you again without even taking a breath?

Live today, you have no idea what will be happening 6 months from now. I would bet, like most WASs here that your W was checked out long before the BD but tried to stay in the game until it got to be too much. Unfair, maybe but that's what's on your plate, my plate, most everyone here got served the same dish. Don't make up stories about it, harness your need to make everything awful.

You wrote that you don't want to become like some Dd friends of yours. I had a similar goal, to keep from becoming resentful and angry, I gave enough of my life up to those feelings. You said you "hoped" you wouldn't become those things and it sounded as if you thought it was up to someone or something else to keep that from happening. It's completely YOUR choice, through YOUR actions and thoughts. Stay away from those people who are like that because they will want to teach you how to be just like them. Misery loves company.