No more games- suckerpunch

[jp787]

SP.
I feel weird giving advice as I don't seem to heed the advice given to me all the time... Maybe writing you will help me too.

What I see in you is that you are tore between how to live in your current sitch. You still want your W, yet holding on to her is too hard. URworthy has told me several times to put my M in a safe box and put it away, so that I can focus on me. I really think that is something you may want to try.

For me I can start to get focus on what I need, go to gym, time with D's, work on things that I want to do and feel, OK. Then... W come into the picture, she text, she is around, something and I turn into a little puppy. My emotions and thoughts flood me with how much I love her, I place her on her pedestal and all my focus goes to her. What happened to what I was doing, who am I, IDK, nor do I can, my W is there and giving me attention (crumbs) and I eat it up. Maybe I don't act like a little puppy anymore, but that is what happens in my head.

So maybe it isn't quite like that for you, but I would dare to guess there is some of that for you and if like me, after your mind goes to your W, it is hard and slow getting back to yourself.

I am extreme, you know this. I am all or nothing and catastrophic thinking. I don't ride the roller coaster. I bungee jump. So I have to figure out how to put my W away somewhere safe, as I am not (at least now) ready to give up. I think you may benefit from doing the same.

Ready to know how to do that? Me too
It is something I am working on and it is hard, harder than working on me, as that is easy in comparison to not hanging onto my W.

So tuck her away, somewhere safe and focus on you. I will do the same.

Going to therapy this am and will ask about my anger and how to feel it and then let it go, along with other emotions. I know there is no magic pill, hoping for a straight forward answer, but will probably get some ideas that don't quite make sense.

Hang in there. I know it is hard, really hard, really really hard.