B, I am so sorry to hear what he's done. I could just throttle him for what he's putting you through. I know this is very difficult, but he's really not doing this to hurt you, even though it appears to be otherwise.
It's hard to say why he would even do this, knowing that you woud see the car seat. The ow could have been putting pressure on him to make a claim and what better way to make that claim than a car seat, not less.
It's time to step away even further and let the two of them face each other off w/o an interference from you. The sooner they have all of that "fun" time, the sooner (we all hope) that the affair will end.
Please, please take care of yourself and your children. Put the focus back on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just read the last few posts regarding the key to the car and you trying to deal with your feelings.
I'm so very, very sorry. I know how painful this all is. I really never dreamt anyone could cry so much as I have over my H.
Last year I thought I would break from the pain and hurt. But I didn't. We go on. We find strength and new growth elsewhere. Like a tree that has some major branches removed but continues to grow and blossom from other areas.
No one can say what your H will do. I wish you a happy ending to all this mess. But in the meantime, you can make it one more day, right? You can hold your head high knowing you aren't the one dispensing the pain.
And you have courage as you can listen to the little voice inside and try again tomorrow hugs, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I just don't know what to think or say right now...
Common theme amongst everyone's reply (which I do thank you by the way, some relief I am getting) is that he is not doing these things to hurt me.
I am having a hard time believing that...a really hard time. I will say that I did not react or comment on it at all.
I can't step back any further than I have.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I know it is late, but I am having a sleepless, restless night tonight. Boys were with thier Dad this weekend. Turns out he has OW taking my children places by herself. They are not comfortable with it at all. Not to mention that he has told the boys the need to treat and respect her like thier mother. Not cool. Apparently boys say he gets violent if they don't acknowledge her presence. I asked my son violent how, and they just said that he yells and screams at them and forces them to say things to her like Hello and Goodbye. Really?!? I was glad that it isn't physical, but my son said the word yet, and I asked him if he thought that would happen and he is worried it might. The emotional pain is just too much for them. He is trying to force OW down thier throats...
When will H get that no one can replace thier mother, his wife yes, mother no.
Anyone else experience anything like this?
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR, this is just so selfish of your H to do this to the boys. Can you set the boundary there? This OW is practically a stranger to your boys. No wonder they don’t feel comfortable with her. I don’t have small children, so I cannot give you any meaningful advice about it. I’m here to offer you some support.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright- I have tried to set boundaries on the children....selfish is the right word....he doesn't care....or thinks it is a form of manipulation on my part and only ends up doing more damage and harm to my children.
It seems that my H is cycling so fast and running so quickly...and pushing hard for his life to work out the way he wants it to. I can only imagine that the faster he runs the harder he will fall. At least this is what I am hoping.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Good morning. Feeling a little relief from my anger and anxiety. I have tried to promise myself that I will wait 24 hours before reacting to anything as long as it wasn't eminent.
So, with H showing his true colors I am finding that this is helping me move forward in my life. I shared with a few friends this morning my frustration, and they reminded me that it will be inevitable that this and these types of things will happen. I really have to try to keep that in my mind.
Re-read 37 rules - Always seems to help a little.
So, one more "eye opener" to put things in perspective.
Why do we all learn the most during the most difficult times of our lives? I am starting to really notice how much Divorce Busting is for the LBS and not really to save the marriage. I am getting so beside myself with the things I hear and see, I could only imagine if there were this "drama" that I added.
Glad I am taking the high road although H is really trying my patience and making it extremely difficult. I can't wait to look back on this one day and have it all behind me.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
So I am not really feeling good today. When will I get off this roller coaster of emotions? I don't feel I have control over them any more.
So heart broken today that this is what my marriage has become...nothing. I love my husband and he is slaughtering me left and right for everything.
So contact is really non existent between him and I anymore...the closer and further he gets with his GF, the less it gets with us. There is nothing to build from or on anymore.
I feel good about myself and I KNOW I will go on in this life. But I had hoped my loving feelings for him would go away...that is what happened with him, why can't I get there too. All he does is keeps pushing me out. It should be easy.
I so want to smack him and shake him and ask what happened to him.
I have been doing everything I can to get over him and move on emotionally from him. Why can't I get there? I think I am holding onto a memory of H that I will never see ever again. I don't even see glimpses too much anymore.
Just missing my man today. Wish I could even just get a hug from him.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
B, I am so sorry you are not feeling good today. Embrace those feelings and then let them go. You are going to have ups and downs for a while because you love this man and it was so sudden as to what he's done and said to you.
He got off the train long before he announced to you that he was not in love w/you That's why he doesn't "feel" anything right now. Unfortunately, he's quite a bit ahead of you in shutting down his feelings. You, on the other hand, are just getting started. I'm sorry.
Can you do something nice for yourself today? Maybe purchase some flowers or do a bubble bath? I wish that I could offer you more in the way of support.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
