Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

So I am not really feeling good today. When will I get off this roller coaster of emotions? I don't feel I have control over them any more.

So heart broken today that this is what my marriage has become...nothing. I love my husband and he is slaughtering me left and right for everything.

So contact is really non existent between him and I anymore...the closer and further he gets with his GF, the less it gets with us. There is nothing to build from or on anymore.

I feel good about myself and I KNOW I will go on in this life. But I had hoped my loving feelings for him would go away...that is what happened with him, why can't I get there too. All he does is keeps pushing me out. It should be easy.

I so want to smack him and shake him and ask what happened to him.

I have been doing everything I can to get over him and move on emotionally from him. Why can't I get there? I think I am holding onto a memory of H that I will never see ever again. I don't even see glimpses too much anymore.

Just missing my man today. Wish I could even just get a hug from him.