Ya, I am beginning to think that I will never have closure, never really get past this....That is scary. I want more than anything to just be happy, to forget, to do whatever it takes to not focus on it anymore. I want to be free from it. Unfortunately, anything and everything seems to remind me about my failed marriage. I am sure it is that way for most, if not all, of us.
I look at wife, totally considering our marriage to be a negative, not worth saving, not worth even trying, needing to get out, needing to move on. Then, I see her actually DOING it! Today, my daughter spoke openly about spending time with OM...and HIS mother. Wife has literally met his family and introduced them into my daughters life already, at least at some level. On one hand I admire her ability to disconnect and just do what she has set out to do. On the other hand, I feel like "how can she just move on and start all these new realtionships and friendships with total disregard to our 12 years together". I know that she was obviously unhappy, but STILL. How can she be able to do it with such conviction. It amazes me. It scares me too. Wife was the ONE person that I thought really cared and loved me. I really thought that. Now here I am just spinning. It makes me feel like, how can I ever trust anyone with my heart again, if this person that I thought for 12 years loved me with all of her own and suddenly seemwed to throw it all away. How can I trust anyone at that level again....ever.....
