A plan of action...vet advice needed

[amy1982]

SFC
I feel your pain & also the feeling of getting another "gut punch" just when you think you're ok. You are a great guy & in a few years I bet the sun will be shining! Always believe in yourself & if you're the best you can be then what S does doesn't have to tear down your self confidence.
((((hugs))))

[SFC_Swede]

Amy, Thanks! I am at the point that I realize the M and R are over (at least for now). I actually know my W pretty well, and I doubt DBing will help my sitch in anyway, no matter how hard I try, or 180s I do. She just does this...I saw it with her 1st XH, and her father later.

Once the D is final in 90 days, I will be asked to move out, and that will be that. Not saying I wont keep 180ing and trying...but my expectations of this M/R surviving is near nil.

I'll be ok...because I know now that DB is as much or more for me, than it is for the M/R.

[MrCAS]

Swede... Just remember something... The settlement and stuff... I told my W, "This is just the business end of the divorce. It is nothing personal. I have an obligation to myself to make myself as financially whole as possible."

Something I learned from my first D... giving stuff away or conceding on stuff does not make you look like a good guy. There is nothing honorable about being a pushover. You will need to make compromises with each other. Be firm but fair.

Your tool box will be shiny new and full of the right tools when you are done.

[MrCAS]

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[MrBond]

Why are you still being RE-active to the situation? You need to be PRO-active. Why wait to be asked to move out? Go and find someplace yourself and take charge of your life. That will be a side of you that your W hasn't seen.

[SFC_Swede]

Mr Bond....I understand and it comes down to one thing...money. Since being discharged from the service, I havent been able to find a full time job. My VA claim is sitting on someones desk, where it will most likely sit another 6 months to a year (if not longer).

My W switched roles with me and became the primary bread winner. She worked her way up to a good position and salary in the company she works for. I also helped put her through school, and took over many of the family responsibilities so she could focus on college.

As such...I am sitting in a bad position financially. I cant go after her for alimony, because even with her current salary, she could barely afford the house on her own....and selling it in the market we are in right now is a colossal loser for the both of us.

I feel trapped.

[MrBond]

Let me put it this way. She has no problem kicking you out and leaving you homeless in your situation. Is that what you want? To have YOUR future in HER hands?

[MrCAS]

Anything new going on here, Swede?

[SFC_Swede]

I still lurk and try and help others on the board or at least provide encouragement, but as of today, I have all but given up on my M.

The W has detached so far away that I have come to conclusion that its over. I appreciate everything, but in my case LRT and DBing just isnt working (for now).

[SFC_Swede]

As of the last post yesterday...no change in my attitude. A little clarification? Ok...a couple weeks ago I return from a weekend diving trip and all of the pictures of W and I are down in the common areas of the house.

My W loves whales...like almost psycho wise. So over the years, I have bought her whale related items (nick knacks, sculptures, fossilized whale bone, ect) and I have noticed they are all gone too from the shelves. I havent seen them in storage, or I can only assume she either gave them away or put them out for consignment for sale.

Facebook is changed from married to separated this past weekend.

W ignores even minor texts (I honestly dont send her many at all) even about our S.

And...she still is gone from the house all the time. Sooooo, the possibility of OM is so high I could cut it with a knife. I just wish she would come clean and tell me...because trust me ladies, that is a whole lot easier to take than weeks, if not months of suspecting and not knowing.